


Jersey Goddess

by simply_em



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual AU, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jackie's a pediatrician, Jan's a senior at NYU, Lesbian AU, Mutual Pining, No Beta, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn (kinda-ish), dating app au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24597508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simply_em/pseuds/simply_em
Summary: A few months before her 30th birthday, Jackie's friends have had enough of her being single and set her up on Tinder, only to match her with a young twenty-something college student. As much as she protests, Jackie can't help but fall for the fated blonde and her world turns upside-down.(Title inspired by "Shiksa Goddess" from The Last Five Years)
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd (minor), Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Comments: 95
Kudos: 178





	1. december 31 (prologue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Whose Tinder are you looking at now? Brita’s?” Jackie asks, starting to refill everyone’s glasses.
> 
> “You wish, bitch!” Brita laughed heartily, “It’s yours.”
> 
> “21, NYU, platinum blonde.” Monét remarks, sipping her wine.
> 
> “Since when do I have Tinder?” Jackie laughs, raising a brow and sitting down in her favorite armchair.
> 
> “Since we made you one five minutes ago.” Jaida smirks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all! First of all, just wanted to say thanks for checking out my fic, it means a lot! Secondly, updates might be a bit sporadic because I'm currently doing online theatre school at the moment (aw jesus, gross) and my life is a mess. Also, if anyone is interested, I'd love to have a beta reader to help me out on this project, so if you're interested you can find me on Tumblr at [simply-em](http://simply-em.tumblr.com)! ♡

Jackie loves her co-workers, she really does, but having them all cramped in her small Hell’s Kitchen apartment was a bit much. Okay, maybe it was a lot.

The five women had gotten together for New Years Eve, the Times Square celebration playing on the TV, though it had been long forgotten and turned into background noise as the women chatted loudly amongst themselves. Empty wine bottles were strewn around the kitchen, as well as various snacks laid out in bright bowls on the small island. Jackie’s small Christmas tree stood proudly in the living room, covered in bright lights and red and gold ornaments.

“Ooo, girl! She’s cute!”

“Wait, lemme see her!”

Jackie rolled her eyes as she returned from the kitchen with a freshly opened bottle of red wine in hand, seeing her friends piled on the couch, scrolling through Tinder. 

“Whose Tinder are you looking at now? Brita’s?” Jackie asks, starting to refill everyone’s glasses.

“You wish, bitch!” Brita laughed heartily, “It’s yours.”

“21, NYU, platinum blonde.” Monét remarks, sipping her wine.

“Since when do I have Tinder?” Jackie laughs, raising a brow and sitting down in her favorite armchair.

“Since we made you one five minutes ago.” Jaida smirks.

Jackie shakes her head, though she can’t say that she’s surprised by her friends’ actions. “I don’t need Tinder - I’m fine.” She reasons with them, but she knows she won’t get far.

“Oh, come on Jacks, you can’t tell me that she’s not attractive.” Heidi takes the phone from Monét, extending it to Jackie.

_Jan, 21. New York University. 5km away._

The profile in question was an explosion of blonde and purple, and Jackie didn’t want to admit it, but they were right, she was very attractive. There was a mixed variety of pictures - selfies, party pictures, group pictures, and of course a swimsuit picture. As much as the lesbian in her wanted to keep looking, she didn’t spend too much time on that one before handing the phone back, “She’s twenty-one.”

“And clearly you liked her bikini picture.” Heidi calls her out with a whistle, passing the phone back to Monét, and Jackie rolls her eyes.

“It’s New Year’s Eve - live a little!” Brita urges her, “C’mon, when was the last time you went on a date?”

“I-” Jackie started, but before she could say anything, Monét held up the phone triumphantly.

“I swiped right!” She smiled, the other women laughing and clapping, while Jackie threw her head back onto the chair.

“Remind me why I’m friends with you again?” She says sarcastically, staring at the ceiling.

“Because you love us, and you’ll be thanking us for this in three weeks.” Jaida says, rubbing Jackie’s shoulder. “Now c’mon, the countdown is in five minutes, and we have shots to pour.”

Reluctantly, Jackie gets up, and the women head to the kitchen, preparing for the official countdown. With shots in hand, they crowd out onto Jackie’s small balcony to catch the fireworks. From her apartment in Hell’s Kitchen, you can just faintly hear the Times Square celebrations, but the TV in the living room prompted them to start counting down.

“10, 9, 8…”

Jackie looked at her friends for a moment, before turning out to look at the city she loved so much. _Let’s see what happens this year_ , she thought to herself.

“3, 2, 1! Happy New Year!”


	2. january 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brita sighs, putting a hand on Jackie’s shoulder. “Jacks, listen to me. You’ve worked yourself into the ground to get here, but you’re here now. So don’t give me that bullcrap of not having time - you work four days a week, and you don’t have shit to do after your shift is over. You don’t have homework anymore.”
> 
> Jackie rubs her lips together, a hint of a frown on her face because she knows Brita is absolutely right. “And you’re going to be thirty in how many months?”
> 
> “Okay, okay, you’re right.” She admits, not wanting to be reminded about the birthday she doesn’t want to celebrate. “I’ll try. For you.”
> 
> “That’s my girl!” Brita smiles, pulling her into a side hug which Jackie accepts gratefully. “Now remember, you swipe right if you like them, and left if you don’t.” She teases her before standing up, placing her now empty mug in the sink.

Now that the holidays had come and gone, Jackie had easily and quickly settled back into her work routine. She loved her job immensely, having worked hard for many years to get her to this point, and she couldn’t ask for anything better. As the daughter of an immigrant, her mother’s goal for her was to have a stable career and a stable life, and now that she finally had a job as a family doctor, she could finally feel like she was making her mother proud.

It was a few hours into her shift when Jackie hit her first scheduled break, and she made her way to the break room, quickly unlocking the door. Brita was seated at the round table in the middle of the room, sipping on a coffee and scrolling on her phone.

“Morning, Brita!” Jackie smiles, making a beeline towards the coffee machine.

“Good morning, sunshine. Day’s been good so far?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Nothing out of the ordinary just yet.” She grabbed her mug from the overhead cabinet before filling it with the rich, dark drink.

Sitting down next to Brita, the older woman had a sneaky smile on her face, and Jackie sighed, knowing what was about to come out of her mouth.

“So? Any updates on Miss Twenty-one-year-old yet?” Brita gently nudged her arm, and Jackie couldn’t help but laugh.

“Brita, you know that I’m not the online-dating type. I haven’t even checked the app since New Year’s.” She sips at her coffee, the hot liquid soothing her throat.

“Girl, in the many, _many_ years I’ve known you, I don’t think you’ve gone on a single date.” She raises a brow, and Jackie mock gasps at her.

“I went on dates in med school, thank you very much!” She retorts, staring into her coffee, as if there were tea leaves at the bottom that would tell her what to do. “But, y’know with the residency, and now working here, I don’t have a lot of time on my hands.”

Brita sighs, putting a hand on Jackie’s shoulder. “Jacks, listen to me. You’ve worked yourself into the ground to get here, but you’re here now. So don’t give me that bullshit of not having time - you work four days a week, and you don’t have shit to do after your shift is over. You don’t have homework anymore.”

Jackie rubs her lips together, a hint of a frown on her face because she knows Brita is absolutely right. “And you’re going to be thirty in how many months?”

“Okay, okay, you’re right.” She admits, not wanting to be reminded about the birthday she doesn’t want to celebrate. “I’ll try. For you.”

“That’s my girl!” Brita smiles, pulling her into a side hug which Jackie accepts gratefully. “Now remember, you swipe right if you like them, and left if you don’t.” She teases her before standing up, placing her now empty mug in the sink.

Jackie laughs at her, feeling blessed to have friends that care so much about her. She quickly finished her coffee before placing her mug with Brita’s, and following her out of the break room for her next appointment.

* * * * *

Getting back to her apartment, Jackie shut the door behind her with a sigh of relief. After taking off her shoes and jacket, she made a beeline for her bedroom, exchanging her work attire for a more comfortable outfit. Once she had tucked her work clothes into the laundry hamper, she returned to the kitchen to prepare her dinner.

She quickly scrolled through her music, finding her favorite after-work playlist, tapping the ‘shuffle’ option, before setting her phone down and starting on her food. She quietly hummed along with the soft music playing from the small speaker on the corner of the kitchen counter, moving around the space, gathering ingredients and supplies.

Cooking was something that came naturally to Jackie and it was something relaxing for her to do. It didn’t take that much effort or brainpower, and it was a nice way to unwind after a long day of work. Once her sauce started simmering, she turned down the heat, before moving to grab the spaghetti out of the cabinet. A notification came in over the speaker, but Jackie paid no mind to the small chime as she set a pot of water to boil. A second chime sounded from the speaker a few minutes later, as Jackie was setting the spaghetti in the boiling water to cook.

“Alexa, set a timer for eight minutes.” She said to the smart speaker, as she reached across the counter to grab her phone, intrigued by the notifications.

 **Tinder** **_  
_ ** _You got a new match!! (10 mins ago)_ _  
_ _Jan sent you a new message (1 min ago)_

Jackie couldn’t help but laugh a bit, unbelieving that her friends might have been onto something. But, she unlocked her phone and tapped on the red, flaming app nonetheless. Swiping to the messages tab, she opened the new message.

 **Jan** **_  
_ ** _So I’m wondering why you have your settings set to find women eight years your junior? Not that I’m complaining, of course_

 _So she’s sassy_ , Jackie thought to herself. She debated typing a response, but she had not a clue of what to say, and she didn’t want to respond to a message that she had only received less than two minutes ago. So, she busied herself with making sure her food wasn’t burning, before returning to her keyboard.

 **Jackie** **_  
_ ** _I could ask you the same question, couldn’t I?_

Jackie’s thumb hovered over the send button for a moment, but she jumped as the timer on her Alexa went off, and she accidentally pressed the screen, sending the message. “No turning back now,” she mumbled, locking her phone and setting it back down.

She turned off both pots before getting to work with dishing up her dinner. She poured herself a glass of red wine before settling on the couch with her meal in hand, turning on the TV to whatever crappy reality show was on.

Halfway through her meal, her phone buzzed twice with what she now recognized as the Tinder notification chime. She set down her wine on the side table, in favor of picking up her phone, quickly unlocking it.

 **Jan** **  
** _Fair point_ _  
_ _If you must know, my friend dared me to change my settings to max age range and distance, and then swipe right until I ran out of swipes_

Jackie had to laugh out loud at that - this girl was a definite party girl, and she couldn’t help herself from immediately replying.

 **Jackie** **_  
_ ** _Oh, so I was just a random swipe right, huh?_

Before she could even lock her phone and resume her meal, her phone was chiming again.

 **Jan** **  
** _Oh, no no no! That was on New Years_ _  
_ _I opened the app today to change back my settings, and your face popped up on my screen and I was compelled to swipe right_

She never realized that she was typing back until she had already pressed send, quickly enthralled by the charismatic blonde.

 **Jackie** **  
** _Well, I’m flattered._

Jackie forced herself to lock her phone, setting it down to finish her dinner. As hard as it was, she ignored the chiming notification until she had eaten and cleaned up a bit. Once the leftovers had been safely put away in the fridge, Jackie returned to her phone, a hint of a smile playing on her face as she read the notification.

 **Jan** **  
** _You still haven’t told me why your settings are set so young, hmm?_

She debated if she should tell the truth or not, but she figured that the girl - Jan - could easily unmatch her if she didn’t like what she heard.

 **Jackie** **  
** _To be honest, my best friend set this up for me. She thinks I should get out more, so she started swiping on my behalf. She came across your profile, showed me, and now we’re here._

She continued to clean up a bit, turning off the lights in the kitchen and living room before retreating to her bedroom for the night. She tossed her phone onto her bed, then headed into her bathroom to quickly run through her nightly routine. She heard the now familiar chimes through the door, and couldn’t help but smile to herself. Somehow, in such a short time, Jan had managed to squeeze her way into Jackie’s life, and each notification made her heart flutter, though Jackie would never admit it.

Climbing into bed, Jackie picked up her phone, plugging it into her charger by her night stand. Settling in, she unlocked her phone.

 **Jan** **  
** _Well then, your friend has good taste_

Jackie couldn’t help but immediately respond, gently biting her lip as she typed.

 **Jackie** **  
** _Usually she has pretty shitty taste, but this time she finally might’ve been onto something._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, y'all! I promise it's gonna pick up soon:) In the meantime, if you wanna chat, you can find me on Tumblr at [simply-em](http://simply-em.tumblr.com)!


	3. january 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You matched with Jan?” Monét turns around, an eyebrow raised at Jackie.
> 
> “Maybe.” She shrugs nonchalantly, focusing on her coffee. Brita looks at Monét and nods, confirming what Jackie wouldn’t confess.
> 
> “Girl, why not? She’s cute, you’re cute. You both swiped right.” Jaida asks, and for a moment Jackie feels attacked, but she knows they’re only trying to help her.
> 
> “She’s twenty-one for God’s sake!” She sighs, taking her coffee and sitting next to Jaida. “What would she want to do with a fucking thirty-year-old…” She mumbles, absentmindedly stirring her drink.
> 
> “Nuh-uh, don’t say that, miss thing. You’re still twenty-nine and hella fine.” Monét laughs, and Jackie gives her a pointed look, hardly amused by the rhyme.
> 
> “Jacks, if she swiped right that means she has some sort of interest in you. Eight years isn’t even that bad.” Brita reaches across the table, putting a hand on Jackie’s.
> 
> Jackie looks up, and the three women are all smiling reassuringly at her, and it makes her feel a bit better. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
> 
> “Yes. One hundred percent.” Jaida reassures her, and the other two nod along with her. “Now let’s get you a date.”

A week had gone by since Jackie had matched with Jan, and the pair had hit it off splendidly. Jackie had never expected to have a connection with someone over solely text messages, but something about the blonde kept Jackie coming back for more. Of course, when she eventually told Brita, the older woman was overjoyed.

“Ha ha! I told you Jacqueline!” Brita smiled, pulling Jackie into a warm hug.

“Okay, okay,  _ maybe _ you were right. And I don’t say that often, so consider yourself lucky.” Jackie shakes her head at Brita’s enthusiasm, but still smiling back at her.

“So when’s the date?”

Jackie blinks a few times, before pulling out of Brita’s embrace. “There’s no date.” She says plainly, starting towards the break room.

“What do you mean there’s no date?” Brita follows her, her eyes wide. “You were just gushing about this girl, and now you’re telling me that you’re not even gonna make a move?”

Monét and Jaida were sitting at the table when Jackie entered the break room with Brita hot on her heels. She blushed a bit, not prepared to have this conversation in front of everyone, but she knew Brita wouldn’t let it go.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit weird?” Jackie mumbles, grabbing a mug to pour herself some coffee.

Brita scoffs, before leaning on the table next to Monét. “This bitch… Matches with a hot girl on Tinder and won’t even ask her out?”

“You matched with Jan?” Monét turns around, an eyebrow raised at Jackie.

“Maybe.” She shrugs nonchalantly, focusing on her coffee. Brita looks at Monét and nods, confirming what Jackie wouldn’t confess.

“Girl, why not? She’s cute, you’re cute. You both swiped right.” Jaida asks, and for a moment Jackie feels attacked, but she knows they’re only trying to help her.

“She’s twenty-one for God’s sake!” She sighs, taking her coffee and sitting next to Jaida. “What would she want to do with a fucking thirty-year-old...” She mumbles, absentmindedly stirring her drink.

“Nuh-uh, don’t say that, miss thing. You’re still twenty-nine and hella fine.” Monét laughs, and Jackie gives her a pointed look, hardly amused by the rhyme.

“Jacks, if she swiped right that means she has some sort of interest in you. Eight years isn’t even that bad.” Brita reaches across the table, putting a hand on Jackie’s.

Jackie looks up, and the three women are all smiling reassuringly at her, and it makes her feel a bit better. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Yes. One hundred percent.” Jaida reassures her, and the other two nod along with her. “Now let’s get you a date.”

The four women spend the next ten minutes composing a message to Jan, in the hopes of getting Jackie a date. They hash out the pros and cons of a dinner date versus a coffee date, or a bar date, but eventually they settle on brunch, because in Jackie’s mind it’s the perfect balance between casual and formal, and there isn’t as much pressure. Besides, who doesn’t love brunch?

**Jackie** **  
** _ Hey Jan! I was wondering if you maybe wanted to get brunch with me sometime? _

Once it was approved by Brita, Jaida and Monét, Jackie had no time to rethink sending it as Heidi came in to tell her her next appointment was here. She took a breath and pressed send, before thanking the girls, promising that she’d send updates later, then heading out to get ready for her next patient.

Of course, Jackie wasn’t expecting an immediate response from the other girl. Hell, she wouldn’t be shocked if this was the text that pushed Jan away to never ever hear from her again. But she went through her day as normal, seeing patients and solving minor medical problems.

Jackie immersed herself in her work, enjoying helping people, and all thoughts of Jan and the message were pushed to the back of her mind. As usual, she took the subway home from the office, a nightly routine that became very familiar to her over the months. She’s always been grateful for not having to work on Fridays, meaning that she can settle down with a glass or two of wine with dinner on nights like tonight.

Toeing off her shoes at the door, she hangs her coat on the hook by the door before settling herself in her apartment for the evening. Immediately, she changes out of her work clothes, before grabbing the leftovers from last night’s meal and setting them to reheat in the microwave. She hums to herself as she generously pours herself a glass of wine, before taking her dinner out of the microwave, heading towards the couch to stretch out and enjoy her meal.

It isn’t until she’s on her second glass of wine when she notices her phone buzzing from the coffee table. Picking it up, she can’t hold back the smile that appears on her lips when she reads the screen.

**Jan** **  
** _ I’d absolutely love to! _ _  
_ _ I have to work on a group project this weekend, but how’s next Saturday? _

Jackie’s heart rate doubles in a matter of seconds, unbelieving that she actually said yes. She taps her nails on the table, trying to compose a decent reply.

**Jackie** **  
** _ Next Saturday would be perfect. _

Seconds after she pressed send, the typing bubble popped up on the bottom of her screen, and she took a gulp of wine, preparing for what the younger girl had to say.

**Jan** **  
** _ Amazing! I know a great place in the East Village, unless you had a spot in mind? _

**Jackie** **  
** _ Since you seem to have good taste, I suppose that will be okay. _

The wine in her system pushes her to send the teasing message, something she would’ve never otherwise done. Though, nothing about this situation is something that she would usually do.

**Jan** **  
** _ Okay, sure Miss Jacqueline _

That response caught Jackie slightly off-guard, trying to recall when or if she had told Jan her full name.

**Jackie** **  
** _ How do you know my full name? _

**Jan** **  
** _ Lucky guess? _ _  
_ _ Kidding - I saw it on your Instagram  _ 😉

It took Jackie a second to connect the dots that her Instagram account was linked to her Tinder profile, then briefly wondered if Jan had her Instagram linked, but decided that was a question for later.

**Jackie** **_  
_ ** _ Well I think it’s only fair that if you know my full name, I should know yours. _

**Jan** **_  
_ ** _ Jan is my full name. Simply Jan. _

**Jackie** **_  
_ ** _ Somehow I don’t believe that. _ _  
_ _ Janet? _

**Jan** **_  
_ ** _ Nope _

After a moment of thought, coming up with blanks for what Jan could be short for, Jackie did a quick search on her phone before continuing their guessing game.

**Jackie** **  
** _ Is it Janice? _

**Jan** **  
** _ Incorrect, Jacqueline _

**Jackie** **  
** _ Jane? Janelle? Janna? _

**Jan** **  
** _ You’re getting warmer _ _  
_ _ My brothers call me Janna _

**Jackie** **  
** _ Janessa? _

**Jan** **  
** _ Unfortunately you’re right _

Jackie couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the girl’s dramatics, storing away the information that she had brothers for a later conversation.

**Jackie** **  
** _ I think Janessa is a beautiful name. _

**Jan** **  
** _ Mhm okay sure _ _  
_ _ Say what you want, Jacqueline _

**Jackie** **  
** _ Only my mother calls me Jacqueline. _

**Jan** **  
** _ It seems fitting for you though _ _  
_ _ But I suppose I can call you Jackie _ _  
_ _ For now  _ 😉

**Jackie** **  
**_Sure thing, Just Jan_ 😉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all like this chapter! I promise it's gonna pick up soon - I wrote a lot over reading week so there's a lot of fun stuff ahead for these gals:) As always, I'm on Tumblr at [simply-em](http://simply-em.tumblr.com)!


	4. january 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrugging on her winter coat, and double checking her purse for all the essentials, she headed out of her apartment and onto the busy streets of New York. The subway was as crowded as she expected for lunchtime, but it didn't stop her as she made her way through, catching her train. It was only a twenty minute ride from her apartment in Hell's Kitchen to the restaurant in the East Village, so she made it there with a few minutes to spare. She figured she'd wait outside for Jan, assuming she wouldn't be too much longer.
> 
> To pass the time, she scrolled through her social media, absentmindedly liking posts, before her phone buzzed with a message.
> 
> **Jan**   
>  _Look up ;)_
> 
> Jackie furrowed her brow, before following the instructions, looking to her left and right before she spotted her.
> 
> Jan.
> 
> _Whoa._

Jackie woke peacefully on Saturday morning, the sun streaming in through the curtains that she forgot to close before falling asleep, but she didn’t mind - she was a self-proclaimed morning person after all. Pushing back the covers, she yawned, sitting up in bed before reaching for her phone. _7:49am_ , the screen read, and she rubbed at her eyes, irritated by the bright light.

Pulling herself out of bed, her feet quickly adjusted to the cold wooden flooring before unplugging her phone and making her way into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Her mornings were always the same routine, and she enjoyed the peacefulness that the morning brought. Connecting her phone to the Bluetooth speaker on the counter, she set it to play her morning playlist, humming along to the familiar Whitney Houston song as she prepared her breakfast.

Her oatmeal was cooking and she had her coffee in hand when she picked up her phone again, impulsively opening up Tinder.

 **Jackie** **  
** _Good morning, Janessa!_

By no means was Jackie the type to make the first move, but today she felt different. She was finally going to be meeting Jan, in real life, no longer through a screen on Tinder and Instagram.

Jackie had spent the better part of the past week scrolling through Jan’s Instagram page, admiring the array of pictures the younger girl had posted. She learned a lot about her, and it gave her some conversation material for their date.

Date.

The word itself sent Jackie into a spiral, having not gone on a date in almost three years. It scared her. Especially since she was going on a date with a girl eight years her junior. But she tried not to let it bother her too much as she ate her breakfast, finishing it quickly and setting the empty dishes in the sink to be taken care of later.

Running her hand through her mess of curly hair, she decided that it was time for a shower, taking her phone with her into the bathroom. The hot water of the shower instantly relaxed her, the scent of her coconut shampoo and citrus body wash familiar and welcoming. Even though there was still snow on the ground, and there was no way in hell she’d be wearing a dress, Jackie still shaved, enjoying the confidence boost it gave her.

Turning off the shower, she wrapped her body in a fluffy towel before doing the same with her hair. She sighed, stepping out onto the soft mat outside the shower. Her phone was buzzing on the counter, and a soft smile took over her face, having an idea of what it was.

 **Jan** **  
** _Morning, Jacqueline_ _  
_ _I’m looking forward to finally seeing you today :)_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Me too, Jan :)_

With three hours until they were due to meet, Jackie decided to take the time to curl her hair, something she didn’t do often since her hair was naturally curly, but she always enjoyed the results. Deciding on an outfit was a whole other beast that she didn’t want to tackle just yet, so this was the best procrastination.

She texted back and forth with Jan as she worked on her hair, just chatting about random things that made her smile. Finishing the last curl, she turned off and set down the curling iron, playing with her curls a bit to settle them how she liked, before covering them with a generous coat of hairspray.

Jackie put on a light face of makeup, not feeling the need to be overly done up for brunch, before moving into her bedroom to face the disaster that was her closet. After consulting with her friends in their group chat, it was decided that Jackie would wear a simple black long sleeved top, with her favorite blue jeans and black ankle boots. She tied a patterned mustard yellow scarf into her hair for a pop of color, and put gold hoops in her ears. Finishing off the look, Jackie applied her favorite red lipstick - a risk, she knew, since she’d be eating with Jan, but she trusted the lipstick to not budge.

She stepped back, looking herself over in the floor length mirror on her door. She knew she looked good - it took her a while to develop her sense of style, but she eventually got there in med school.

Picking up her phone, she snapped a quick mirror picture to send to the group chat, getting their final approval. The picture was met with a flurry of red heart and fire emojis which made Jackie laugh, texting back her thanks before checking the time. It was almost noon, meaning that Jackie had to leave now if she wanted to be early.

Shrugging on her winter coat, and double checking her purse for all the essentials, she headed out of her apartment and onto the busy streets of New York. The subway was as crowded as she expected for lunchtime, but it didn’t stop her as she made her way through, catching her train. It was only a twenty minute ride from her apartment in Hell’s Kitchen to the restaurant in the East Village, so she made it there with a few minutes to spare. She figured she’d wait outside for Jan, assuming she wouldn’t be too much longer.

To pass the time, she scrolled through her social media, absentmindedly liking posts, before her phone buzzed with a message.

 **Jan** **  
** _Look up ;)_

Jackie furrowed her brow, before following the instructions, looking to her left and right before she spotted her.

Jan.

_Whoa._

She couldn’t help the flush that spread across her cheeks as she took in the woman walking towards her. For the first time in her life, Jackie was speechless. She sent her a supernova grin, and all Jackie could do was stare in awe, her mind spiraling, _So, so pretty… I’m totally fucked._

She didn’t even register the sounds coming from the blonde’s lips until a hand was being waved in front of her face.

“Are you okay?” Jan asked, a teasing smile playing on her lips.

It took Jackie a moment to recover, her eyes meeting the soft blues of the other woman.

“Yeah, um…” She trailed off, lost for words. “Sorry, I was just, uh, distracted.” She tried to play it off, but the widening grin on Jan’s face told her everything she needed to know.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Jackie!” Jan exclaimed, and before Jackie could reply, she was engulfed in a hug, barely registering the arms wrapping around her shoulders, when the blonde’s perfume invaded her senses. It was lavender and vanilla and was somehow so perfectly Jan.

“You too, Jan.” She replied, letting herself smile and return the embrace.

After a moment Jan pulls away, and looks at Jackie expectantly.

“Shall we?” Jackie offers, and Jan nods enthusiastically, leading the way into the restaurant.

* * * * *

Jackie admired Jan from across the table as she laughed at a dumb joke she had said, remnants of avocado toast and salad between them.

“You are something else, Miss Cox.” Jan giggled, regaining her breath from laughing.

“Am I not what you expected?” Jackie teased her in return, raising a brow and resting her cheek on her fist.

Jan actually considers the question, tipping her head back in thought, before looking back at Jackie with a devilish smile. “No, you’re funnier in person.”

Jackie scoffs at her, playfully rolling her eyes. They’re interrupted by their server coming to clear their plates, and he asks how they’re paying. Instantly, Jackie speaks up, indicating that she’ll be taking the bill.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Jan said, once the server had left.

“Well, I was the one who asked you out, so I think I did.” She put it simply, shrugging softly. “You can pay for the next time.” Jackie punctuates with a wink.

“Oh, you’re confident that there will be a next time?” The teasing was evident in Jan’s voice, and Jackie smiled.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Their server came back with their bill, and with a tap of her credit card, everything was paid for, and she was sure to leave a generous tip for their server as well.

When he left, it hit Jackie that this was the end of their date, and if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t want it to. Something about Jan was just so intriguing and exciting, and she wanted more.

“Well, I do know a cute ice cream place that’s a couple blocks away if you’re feeling up for dessert?” Jan offered, and Jackie was sure that she had some sort of mind reading powers.

“I’d love that.”

Jackie knew that later she’d regret agreeing to ice cream in the cold weather, but she couldn’t bring herself to say no to the other woman.

The winter air welcomed them as they exited the restaurant, and Jackie made a motion for Jan to lead the way, making the blonde giggle.

“So, tell me about yourself Jacqueline. I know you’re a doctor living in New York, and that’s about it.” Jan starts as they walk down the quiet street.

Jackie hums to herself, trying to create a short and sweet answer to give her. “There’s not much to tell, honestly. I was born in Canada - I lived in Vancouver mostly, but I also spent some time in Toronto and Halifax. Then in middle school, my parents got a divorce and I moved with my mom to California. But, I’m not much of a California girl, so I moved to the east coast for university and I never looked back.” She shrugs, keeping the conversation casual. As much as she was attracted to Jan, she was sure the blonde wouldn’t want her entire life story on the first date.

“That explains a lot.” Jan giggles, “You’re too nice to be a native New Yorker. Canadian makes a lot more sense.”

Jackie pretends to be offended for a moment, but she can’t help but laugh with her. “And that’s coming from the one with the Jersey accent.” She retorts, and Jan rolls her eyes.

“I don’t have that much of an accent!” She jokes, playfully slapping Jackie’s arm. “But, you got me - Jersey girl, born and raised.”

“How’d you end up here?” Jackie looks over at her with a raised brow, intrigued to learn more of the blonde’s story.

“Well, most of my childhood was spent either in the theatre or on the soccer field. I had way too much energy as a kid - I still do. But I found my calling on stage when I was like, ten, and I met some of my best friends through community theatre, and now we’re at NYU together.”

“I did a bit of theatre when I lived in California.” Jackie says, and Jan’s eyes light up.

“Really?! What shows did you do? They must’ve been amazing!”

Jackie smiles at her enthusiasm, chuckling. “I was only there for three years, but I was on the crew for Cinderella, Footloose and The Addams Family.”

They continued chatting about theatre and non-sense as they reached the ice cream shop, and Jackie pulled open the door for Jan, who smiled in thanks as she entered, Jackie close behind. Scanning the menu quickly, Jackie immediately found her favorite.

“What are you getting?” She asks, turning to Jan.

“Cotton candy with rainbow sprinkles. You?”

“Predictable.” Jackie mumbles jokingly, and she can see pink rising on Jan’s cheeks, but she couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or if it was a blush. “I think I’m gonna get the mint chocolate chip with fudge drizzle.”

“Say no more.” Jan pulls out her wallet, heading up to the counter to order before Jackie can protest. She comes back with two cups in hand, and passes the green confection to Jackie. “Told you dessert was on me, Jacqueline.”

“Merci.” Jackie smiles, dipping her spoon into the soft serve.

“You speak French?” Jan asks, before taking a bite of her pink and blue ice cream.

Jackie swallows before speaking, “As much as Canadian grade school taught me. I speak better Farsi though.”

“Farsi?” Jan raises a hand to cover her mouth as she speaks mid-bite.

“It’s an Iranian language. My mom immigrated from Iran in her twenties, and I still have family there. We don’t talk often, though.” She got a bit shy talking about her heritage, but Jan moved to brighten the mood.

“Say something? In Farsi?”

Jackie hummed around her spoon, coming up with a sentence. _“Aya mitavanam shomareh telephon shoma ra dashteh basham?”_

The language feels familiar on her lips - she hasn’t spoken Farsi since her last phone conversation with her mother a month ago, so it was a welcome feeling. Jan watches her with a soft smile on her face, and Jackie can’t help but smile back.

“You gonna ask me what it means?” Jackie prompts the blonde, and the other woman blinks a few times, before seemingly coming back to life.

“Yes! Yeah, enlighten me.”

Jackie takes a breath, exhaling softly to pull herself together, connecting her gaze to Jan’s electric eyes. “I asked you if I could have your phone number.”

There’s a moment of silence before Jan giggles, and Jackie laughs with her. “You’re a dork.” Jan extends her hand, motioning for Jackie to give her her phone.

Jackie pulls her phone out of her pocket, unlocking it and opening her contacts, before placing it into Jan’s palm. Momentarily, their fingers touch and Jackie’s never been one for love at first sight, but she can feel the electricity that shoots through her veins and she knows that this is different than any other first date she's been on.

Jan hands back her phone, and Jackie glances at the new contact.

_Jan Mantione_

Of course, she had put a purple heart emoji next to her name and Jackie couldn’t think of anything more fitting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They've finally met!! I loved writing this chapter and I hope y'all love it as much as I do:) Also, I found the Farsi text from a Google search, so if I'm ever wrong because Google be like that sometimes, please let me know!! As always, you can find me on Tumblr at [simply-em](http://simply-em.tumblr.com)!


	5. february 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As she walked towards her destination, she passed by a CVS, the bright red posters in the windows catching her attention: _Valentine's Day! February 14th!_
> 
> It caught Jackie off-guard for a moment, before checking her phone. _February 12th._ She debated if it was too early in this...whatever this is to celebrate a holiday like Valentine’s Day, but she really truly liked Jan and decided that she should recognize that with a small something. And besides, having an impromptu date two days from Valentine’s meant something to Jackie and she hoped it meant something to Jan as well.

**Jan** **  
** _What’s your zodiac sign?_

Jackie had been texting Jan for the better part of her lunch break, enjoying when their busy schedules miraculously lined up and they were able to hold a conversation, rather than the sporadic messages sent between patients and classes.

 **Jackie** **  
** _Aries, though I don’t know if I believe in astrology._

They had been playing this back and forth question game for the past few days, and Jackie loved getting to know little pieces of Jan. So far she had learned that the younger woman has a full-on obsession with the color purple, her favorite chip flavor is dill pickle, and prefers Pepsi over Coke - a debate that Jackie was happy to agree on.

 **Jan** **  
** _I’m a gemini_ _  
_ _Aries makes so much sense for you though, holy shit_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Care to explain?_

 **Jan** _  
_ _Confident, smart, independent_ _  
_ _That’s you in a nutshell_

She immediately felt color flooding her cheeks as she read Jan’s kind words, and she was momentarily glad she was alone in the break room. Of course, everyone at the office knew about Jan, but they loved poking fun at Jackie for her crush.

 **Jackie** _  
_ _And what does being a gemini tell me about you?_

 **Jan** _  
_ _Geminis are typically energetic, optimistic and loyal_ _  
_ _Though we do have the stereotype of being two-faced_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Noted ;)  
_ _My turn: you’re stranded on a deserted island and you have one friend, who is it?_

 **Jan** _  
_ _Well I can’t pick favorites between my two best friends_ _  
_ _And my roommate wouldn’t be the best company on a deserted island_ _  
_ _So I’m going to say my mom_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Fair enough._ _  
_ _I’d have to pick my best friend, Brita._

 **Jan** _  
_ _Like the water filter??_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Exactly._ _  
_ _She earned the nickname in med school when she would only drink water if it came from a Brita filter._

Jackie remembered the moment fondly, the memory bringing a smile to her face. She had been in the library with Brita, and the older woman had kicked up a fuss when the filtered water dispenser was broken. It was a simple joke that came from Jackie’s mind, but they had laughed so much about it that the name stuck and she was forever known as Brita.

 **Jan** _  
_ _And I thought my friends had weird nicknames_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Oh really?_

 **Jan** _  
_ _I’ll tell you about them after you answer my next question_ _  
_ _What are you doing right now?_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Besides texting you? Nothing, really.  
I have an hour left on my lunch break.  
You? _

**Jan** _  
_ _Do you want to grab coffee with me?  
Like now? _

It took Jackie a second to comprehend the words in front of her, trying to comprehend how Jan was on her side of the city when she should be Greenwich Village for her classes, but she dismissed the thought, typing up a teasing response, knowing that she couldn’t say no to Jan.

 **Jackie** _  
_ _You don’t get two questions in a row._

 **Jan** _  
_ _Yes or no?_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Yes, I’d love to, Jan._

 **Jan** _  
_ _Amazing!_ _  
_ _There’s a Starbucks a couple blocks from your office, right? We can meet there_

 **Jackie** _  
_ _Sounds perfect, Janessa :)_

 **Jan** _  
_ _See you soon, Jacqueline :)_

With her face covered in a smile, Jackie made her way out of the break room, grabbing her purse and jacket. She walked quickly, not wanting to be intercepted by any of her co-workers, knowing that they’d have a riot over this. Thankfully, she got out onto the street with no problems, pointing herself in the direction of the nearest Starbucks just a few blocks away.

As she walked towards her destination, she passed by a CVS, the bright red posters in the windows catching her attention: _Valentine’s Day! February 14th!_

It caught Jackie off-guard for a moment, before checking her phone. _February 12th._ She debated if it was too early in this...whatever this is to celebrate a holiday like Valentine’s Day, but she really truly liked Jan and decided that she should recognize that with a small something. And besides, having an impromptu date two days from Valentine’s meant something to Jackie and she hoped it meant something to Jan as well.

So, she popped into the CVS, heading towards the chocolates, figuring that it was the most simple yet effective gift. She picked out a Valentine’s edition of Jan’s favorite chocolate bar, before making a beeline for the cash register, paying and exiting, hoping that Jan wouldn’t be waiting for her too long at Starbucks.

With the chocolate stashed in her purse, Jackie pushed open the door to the Starbucks, immediately spotting Jan at a table on the far side. The blonde was looking at her phone, and Jackie briefly wondered if this is how she looked on their first date.

“Hey!” Jackie called out as she approached the table, and Jan’s head immediately popped up, smiling widely.

“Hey, Jacks!” Jan stood up, engulfing Jackie in a hug, and she immediately melted into her embrace. Jackie had decided a while ago that Jan gives the best hugs, and this was just a confirmation of the fact.

“Have you ordered yet?” Jackie asked, reluctantly pulling away from Jan’s embrace.

“Yeah, but I only got here like a minute ago.” She explained, and Jackie nodded, setting down her coat before going up to the counter to order.

As she finished ordering, Jan’s name was called out, and Jackie glanced down to the end of the counter where an employee was setting out a drink and paper bag. She looked back at Jan, who was about to get up, but she motioned to her, indicating that she’d grab it. After picking up Jan’s order, Jackie dropped it off to their table with a curtsy.

“M’lady.” She giggled, Jan laughing with her.

“Well, thank you, madam.”

Jackie had to bite her tongue to keep herself from laughing so much, but her name was quickly called out, and she went and grabbed her drink, returning to the table.

“That was fast.” Jan remarked, pulling a pastry out of the bag.

“Usually is when you have an order as simple as mine compared to whatever sugar-filled monstrosity yours is.” She teased the younger woman, and she felt her chest swell with fondness when a hint of a blush creeped up the blonde’s cheeks.

“A blonde vanilla latte is not a monstrosity!” Jan retorted, and Jackie rolled her eyes.

“Compared to a black coffee? It definitely is.”

“Why do I put up with you if all you’re going to do is make fun of my taste in coffee?” She sighs, and Jackie leans an elbow on the table, resting her chin on her hand.

“I don’t know, Jan. Why do you keep asking me on dates?” She raises a brow at her, but they both go silent, starting to move into uncharted territory that Jackie knows she isn’t prepared for.

“Sorry, um, forget I said that.” Jackie mumbles out, before remembering the chocolate stashed in her purse, and figuring it could be a good change of subject. “Here.” She slides the chocolate across the table towards Jan.

“What’s this?”

“I was walking from work, and I saw CVS had a sale on Valentine’s stuff, and I know that it’s in two days so I figured I’d get you a little something even though we’ve only been seeing each other for like a month now. I thought you’d like it.”

When Jackie notices she’s been rambling, she shuts up, waiting for Jan’s response.

“I didn’t even connect the dots to Valentine’s Day… God, I feel so stupid for not getting you anything!”

The last thing Jackie wanted to do was make the other woman feel bad, and she moved to reach her hand across the table to rest on Jan’s forearm, but with a quick tip of her head and a smirk, Jan stood up from the table and moved towards the counter. She returned a minute later with a brown bag and placed it in front of Jackie.

With a chuckle, Jackie reached inside the bag, pulling out a small pink cake pop.

“I know it’s not really Valentine’s themed but-” Jan starts, but Jackie cuts her off, finally putting her hand across the table, her thumb rubbing against Jan’s forearm.

“It’s perfect, Jan. Thank you.”

She returned to work later that afternoon with coffee and cake pop on her lips, and her head swimming with thoughts of a special blonde. Usually, Jackie would curse the distraction, but somehow she didn’t mind it.

But of course, her good luck had to run out somewhere.

"Jackie, there you are!" Brita stopped her as she was leaving the break room.

"Here I am. Were you looking for me?"

"Nope, but don't think we didn't notice you weren't here for lunch."

"What do you mean?" She asked nervously, but she knew it was no use - Brita had known her for years and could read her like a book at this point.

"You never go out for lunch, girl. And when you do-" She stopped herself, looking Jackie up and down. "You saw Jan, didn't you?" Brita chuckled, and Jackie tried not to blush at being caught, feeling like a high schooler being lectured by her parent for sneaking out.

"I, uh- What makes you say that?" She stumbles, and Brita rolls her eyes.

"Oh c'mon. You can't hide your smile for shit, and you have Starbucks. You never go to Starbucks."

Jackie sighs, glancing at her feet before looking back at her friend. "And so what if I did?"

"Nothing, nothing." Brita starts to leave, "But it's nice to see you truly happy for once, Jacks. And if this girl - Jan - keeps making you smile like that, well... I hope she sticks around."

As Brita walks out of ear shot, Jackie stares at the coffee cup in her hand for a moment, unable to stop herself from smiling. "Me too, Brit... Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all like it!! And as always, you can find me on Tumblr at [simply-em](http://simply-em.tumblr.com)!


	6. february 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence fell over the pair for a moment, Jackie playing with the loose ends of her flannel as Jan watched her carefully. “Jackie?”
> 
> “Hmm?” She looked up, connecting her gaze with Jan’s.
> 
> “You know that I, uh-”
> 
> Jackie’s brows furrowed as she’d never seen Jan in any state of nervousness, and she reached out her hand, grasping the blonde’s outstretched leg, rubbing her thumb over her shin soothingly. It seemed to help when she exhaled before taking another breath.
> 
> “You know that I kinda maybe like you, right?”

It started like any other day, Jackie sending a good morning text to Jan as soon as she had a mug of coffee in her hand, however what she wasn’t expecting was to see the blonde’s name pop up on her screen with an incoming call.

“You’re up early.” She greeted her, a smile on her face.

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I don’t know how you do this all the time.” Jan groans, and Jackie can just tell that she’s pouting.

“Years of practice and lots of coffee.”

Since their impromptu Valentine's date, Jackie had noticed a slight shift in their relationship. It seemed to her that the exchange of the chocolate bar and cake pop had opened the door for more flirtatious interactions, as well as an increase of purple heart emojis coming from Jan in her texts, whereas Jackie preferred to use the double hearts.

“Anyways, not my point. I’m calling you because Gigi reminded me that we’re hosting a game night tonight, and I wasn’t sure if it was too early for you to meet my friends, but I’d also feel terrible if I didn’t invite you at all, and-” The blonde started rambling, and Jackie couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Jan, hon. Relax. Take a breath.” She coaxes her, and she can hear the other woman exhale softly. “I’d love to come over for game night.”

“Really?! Amazing - we’re playing team Mario Party and I needed a partner so this is great. Really great.”

“I’m glad to hear that I can be of service to you.” Jackie teases her, and they both laugh. “Is there anything I should know about your friends? Is anyone going to murder me?”

“No, gorg, no one will murder you. Though, Alexis might turn into a bit of a mama bear, but I guess that’s what sorority sisters are for.”

If there was one fact that had surprised Jackie when she was getting to know Jan, it was learning that she was in a sorority. Of course, Jackie had in mind the stereotypical sorority girl you see in the movies. But, when Jan had explained it all to her, with the fundraising and giving back to the community, it made so much sense as to why the blonde had joined. Jackie would listen to Jan talk all day about her sorority if it meant she got to look at her while she spoke about something she was so passionate about.

“You still there, Jacks?” Jan spoke, and shook Jackie out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry, hi.” She apologized.

She heard Jan laugh softly before speaking, “I asked you if you owned any purple, cause we’re the purple team.”

“Of course we’re purple.” She smiled fondly, knowing how much the blonde loved purple, before actually thinking about the question. “I might have like a purple flannel or something.”

“How stereotypical lesbian of you.” Jan teased, and Jackie rolled her eyes.

“Come over early?” Jan asked, “We can order a pizza or something, and I can tell you the stories of all my friends’ nicknames like I promised before you meet them.”

“Yeah, that sounds great. Text me the details?”

“Will do, Jacqueline.”

“See you later, Janessa.”

Jackie hung up the phone with a sigh, leaning against the cool counter-top. Picking up her coffee mug, she took a sip, realizing that the beverage had gone cold, but she didn't mind. She placed the mug in the microwave to reheat, before starting to plan out her day, already excited to see Jan later that evening.

* * * * *

As five o’clock rolled around, Jackie headed out of her Hell’s Kitchen apartment in the direction of the Lower East Side. The butterflies in the pit of her stomach had only grown as she’d been on the subway, and they multiplied a tiny bit more as she stepped off. As she walked towards the address given to her by Jan, she tried to calm herself down a bit, reminding herself that it’s just Jan and her friends.

Turning onto the street, she immediately spotted the blonde, waiting on the steps as promised. Jackie gave her a wave and a smile, and she immediately smiled back, walking up to meet her.

“Hey, gorg!” Jan engulfed Jackie in a hug, and she immediately returned the embrace.

“Hey, how are you?” Jackie asked, squeezing the blonde for a moment before pulling away.

“Better now that you’re here.” She smirked, and Jackie laughed. “C’mon inside, pizza is waiting.”

Jan waved her in, opening the door for her. “We don’t have the luxury of an elevator, but thankfully we’re only on the fourth floor.”

Jackie doesn’t mind the walk up, especially with Jan leading the way. If you asked her, she’d tell you that she didn’t stare at her ass the entire time, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t steal a few glances.

Eventually they arrived at the door, Jan unlocking it with a key from the back pocket of her jeans. She swung the door open to reveal a modest apartment, though fully decorated with lots of posters and artwork.

“The decorating was pretty much all Gigi, hence all the fashion prints.” She explained, ushering Jackie in. She offered to take her jacket, hanging it in the closet by the door.

Jackie nodded, taking in the apartment. “I’m assuming the purple throw pillows were your doing, though?” She teased, gesturing towards the living room.

“Oh, fuck off.” Jan said, playfully slapping Jackie on the arm. “If you think that’s bad, wait until you see my room.”

Jan pulled a few plates out of the cupboard, before opening the two boxes of pizza on the counter.

“Genevieve, come meet Jackie and get your pizza before we eat it all!” Jan called out, taking a few slices of pepperoni. Jackie followed suit, taking two slices for herself.

As Jackie took her first bite, she heard the hallway door open and a modelesque brunette walked into the kitchen - Gigi, she supposed.

“Hi, I’m Gigi. Jan’s roommate and best friend.” She introduced herself, picking up a plate.

“Hmm, controversial opinion.” Jan muttered, and Jackie laughed, swallowing her bite of pizza.

“Jackie. It’s nice to meet you, Gigi.” She refrained from attempting a handshake or a hug, especially since her hands were occupied with pizza.

“You too. Now I can finally put a face to the person Jan’s been constantly rambling to me about.” Gigi said, moving towards the pizza, taking a few slices for herself, and Jan groaned.

“Gigi, stop it.” Jan said, and Jackie couldn't help but smirk at the knowledge.

Gigi simply shrugged, continuing the small talk as they ate. Jan excused herself to the bathroom halfway through her second slice, and Gigi waited until the bathroom door was shut to turn and face Jackie, immediately making her feel like she was about to be attacked.

“So, it’s been what, a month?” Gigi started, and Jackie felt her throat go dry, wishing she had a drink.

“Um, yeah, we met a little over a month ago.” She responded, trying to keep a calm disposition.

Gigi looked her up and down quickly, and Jackie felt self-conscious in her simple white t-shirt and leggings, with her purple flannel tied around her waist as per Jan's request. Especially in comparison to Gigi’s fashion-forward matching floral blue crop top and skirt.

She looked at her with a serious yet caring expression, and Jackie immediately understood the sentiment. “Just, be careful with her. She might put up this confident front, but she’s really fragile at heart.”

Jackie hummed, setting down her plate on the counter. “I promise, Gigi, I have no intent of hurting her. She’s a sweet girl.”

“Good.” She said, just as the bathroom door opened. “Oh, and one last little thing. She may seem sweet at first, y’know all lollipops and candy and such. But, from my experience of being her roommate for three years? Behind closed doors - that girl’s all handcuffs and gags.”

Jackie’s eyes widened slightly, lost for words. She wasn't expecting to hear anything like that from Gigi, but it definitely got the gears turning in her head, flooding with thoughts completely inappropriate for the situation.

“Genevieve!” Jan exclaimed as she returned, a blush evident on her cheeks. “Stop terrorizing Jackie. I’m never leaving you two alone again.”

Gigi shrugged, retreating back to her room with a smug smile on her face.

“I’m sorry about her, I know she can be a bit much sometimes.” Jan apologized, but Jackie shook her head.

“It’s fine, Jan. Really. Now, are you going to tell me about the others I’m supposed to meet?”

Jan nodded enthusiastically, and she pulled Jackie towards her bedroom to gossip.

* * * * *

“So let me get this straight. You call her Lagoona because of a trip to Disney World?”

“Yes! Rosé and I wanted to go to Blizzard Beach, but she insisted we went to Typhoon Lagoon for the third time that trip, hence Lagoona.” Jan explained, leaning back on the pillows at the top of her bed.

Jackie wasn’t surprised at all when she saw the purple wonderland that was Jan’s room for the first time. But, it was tastefully purple - a mix of lilac and plum with hints of cream that just made sense. A lot of things about Jan made sense to Jackie.

“And then there’s Lemon - she got that nickname from her mom packing whole lemons in her lunch bag in middle school. She just fully ate lemons all the time.”

“Wow. Those definitely are some weird nicknames, I gotta admit.” She adjusted the flannel shirt tied around her waist as she sat crisscrossed at the end of Jan’s bed, facing the younger woman.

“But she won’t be here tonight - she’s studying abroad this term.”

Jackie nodded, remembering Jan saying something about a few of her friends studying in France this winter. “Right, she’s in Paris with…” She trailed off, forgetting the name that Jan had previously told her.

“Nicky, yeah.”

Silence fell over the pair for a moment, Jackie playing with the loose ends of her flannel as Jan watched her carefully. “Jackie?”

“Hmm?” She looked up, connecting her gaze with Jan’s.

“You know that I, uh-”

Jackie’s brows furrowed as she’d never seen Jan in any state of nervousness, and she reached out her hand, grasping the blonde’s outstretched leg, rubbing her thumb over her shin soothingly. It seemed to help when she exhaled before taking another breath.

“You know that I kinda maybe like you, right?”

It’s definitely not what Jackie was expecting - nothing about Jan was ever anything she expected, she supposed - but her chest tightened and she squeezed Jan’s leg lightly to ground herself, processing the information the blonde has laid in her lap.

“You kinda maybe like me?” She teased her, unable to help the smile on her face.

The laugh that Jan let out was contagious, and Jackie’s smile widened, joining her in laughter.

“Okay, fine, I like you.” Jan admitted through giggles, and Jackie’s entire being went numb, Jan's words flooding over her like a tidal wave and it made her feel like her heart was truly going to beat out of her chest and possibly explode.

“Well that’s good, because I like you too.”

Seconds after the words left her lips, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and she was pushed onto her back, held in a tight embrace by the blonde. Jackie’s arms instinctively circled around Jan’s shoulders as she buried her face in Jackie’s neck. She allowed her eyes to flutter shut, breathing in the scent of Jan’s fruity shampoo.

Jackie parted her lips, about to speak, but she’s interrupted by the buzzing of Jan’s phone on her nightstand, though Jan made no attempt at moving. Patting her shoulder, she attempted to get the blonde up.

“You should probably answer that.” She mumbled softly, and Jan simply groaned, hugging herself tighter to Jackie.

“Don’t wanna.”

Jackie hummed in response, turning her head to press a kiss into the blonde’s hair. She wasn’t sure if the affection was a step too far for their relationship, but it felt right in the moment considering they had just informally confessed their feelings to one another.

“You can have more hugs later, Jan, I promise.”

Reluctantly, Jan rolled off of Jackie, reaching for her phone.

“Looks like the others are here.” She sighed, buzzing them in through her phone.

Jackie nodded, sitting up. “Any last words of advice for me?”

Jan put her phone in her pocket before turning back to Jackie, “Just be yourself. They’ll love you.” She kissed her cheek softly, and Jackie is momentarily stunned as Jan got up, heading out to greet her friends.

* * * * *

Jackie had gone through many scenarios of how meeting Jan’s friends would go, but she hadn’t imagined a scenario where they would get along this well. Although it definitely helped when Jan started passing out drinks to everyone, the alcohol giving her an easy boost of confidence.

She was first introduced to Crystal - a sweet, eclectic girl with a huge personality, though Jackie was only able to talk to her for a moment before she had been dragged away by Gigi. From the way that the pair were acting, she could immediately tell that there was something going on between them, and she filed the information away to later ask Jan about.

Next were Alexis and Brianna, whom Jackie had learned were Jan’s sorority sisters, but they were also in the same sorority family? A lot of the lingo Jan was using confused her, but she smiled and nodded along, knowing that she'd figure it out eventually. As Jan had predicted, Alexis did give her a similar speech to Gigi’s, but it was much less intimidating and she definitely didn't say anything about Jan's potential interests in the bedroom, which Jackie appreciated.

Finally she met Lagoona and Rosé. If Jackie hadn’t known any better, she would’ve said that they were Jan’s long lost sisters because they had the exact same peppy disposition as the blonde. By the way they interacted with each other, Jackie could immediately tell that they grew up together, and it made her heart swell to see Jan chatting happily with her friends.

They were all seated in the living room, with the exception of Gigi and Crystal who were out on the balcony, sharing what Jackie assumed to be a joint. Alexis and Brianna, and Lagoona and Rosé each took an end of the couch, leaving the armchair for Jackie. Jan was busy fiddling with the Switch, setting up tonight’s game. Bowls of snacks were spread out on the coffee table, and there was a make-shift bar set up in the kitchen.

Standing up, Jan began handing out the small controllers: pink to her sorority sisters and green to her childhood friends, before finally passing the purple controller to Jackie with a wink. She couldn’t help but notice how Jan’s hand had lingered in hers for an extra second before she pulled away to harass the girls on the balcony to come inside, ready to play.

“Okay!” Jan exclaimed as Gigi and Crystal settled on some pillows in front of the coffee table. “Time to pick characters, people!”

Jan picked up a small bowl filled with tiny slips of paper and passed it over to Jackie. “Since it’s your first game night with us, you get first pick - but no cheating. Eyes closed Jacqueline.” Jan told her, and she exaggerated closing her eyes tightly before fishing her hand around in the bowl, selecting a name.

“Daisy!” She announced, and Jan cheered loudly, pumping a fist in the air.

“Jacqueline, you miracle worker! The lesbian icon is ours, bitches!” Jan teased the others, before pressing a soft kiss to Jackie’s cheek, making her blush softly - not only at the gesture, but also at the fact than Jan was being so openly affectionate with her with her friends around.

She continued around the room, the teams picking their characters for the night - Bowser for Lagoona and Rosé, Peach for Alexis and Brianna, and Koopa Troopa for Gigi and Crystal - before setting the bowl down by the TV and perching herself on the arm of the chair Jackie was sitting in, wrapping an arm over her shoulders.

“Hello.” Jackie smiled up at her and Jan giggled airily. “I didn’t expect you to be sitting here.”

“Well, I don’t really have much choice, do I? Plus we’re a team.”

Jackie simply nodded, enjoying Jan’s presence as the game started up. Jan wasn’t lying when she had told her it was going to be competitive - by the end of the second mini game, there was already taunting between the teams and claims of who was going to win, even though no one had collected a single star which was the main goal of the game.

By the time the fifth round rolled around, Jackie could tell that Jan was starting to get uncomfortable sitting on the small arm of the chair, and she rolled her eyes at the blonde’s stubbornness. After their turn had ended, Jackie snaked her arm around Jan’s waist, giving her a gentle tug.

“What?” She questioned, diverting her attention from the game to Jackie.

“C’mere.” Jackie tugged on her waist again, and Jan clued into what she was implying, but shook her head.

“I’m fine, Jacks.”

“Jan.” She raised a brow at her, clearly seeing through her lie, and the blonde sighed.

“Are you sure I won’t crush you?” She mumbled, and Jackie sighed, squeezing her tighter. As much as she wanted to reassure her, and tell her that she was beautiful and perfect just the way she was, she knew it wasn't the time or the place.

“I’m positive. Plus, I promised you more hugs, didn’t I?” She offered in a hope that it would bring a smile to Jan’s face, which it did, and Jackie softly smiled back in return.

“Okay.” Jan said, moving to sit on Jackie’s lap, making herself comfortable with her head resting against Jackie's. Her arms wound fully around Jan’s waist, pulling her in close.

Throughout the rest of the game, they would share little affections, like a kiss to Jan’s cheek when she won their first star, or an extra tight snuggle when Jackie lost a mini-game terribly. They were wrapped up in their own little world, and neither of them noticed when the other girls shared knowing looks, or when Alexis snuck a few photos of them. It didn’t matter to Jackie when they came in third place at the end of the game - what mattered was Jan’s perfume lingering on her t-shirt as she arrived home late that night, a little bit tipsy but definitely and very quickly falling in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 100% my favorite chapter that I've written for this, and the longest, and I hope y'all love it as much as I do!! As always, feel free to connect with me on my Tumblr, [simply-em](http://simply-em.tumblr.com)! <3


	7. february 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Huh?” Jan furrowed her brow, a playful glint in her eyes, “What was that?”
> 
> “Oh, uh…” Jackie stumbled over her words a bit, her gaze shifting between Jan’s hand on her knee and her eyes, “It’s Farsi - a term of endearment.” She explained, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.
> 
> “I think it’s pretty.” Jan reassured her, lifting her hand to tuck a stray curl behind Jackie’s ear, making the brunette smile softly, though her heart rate increased tenfold.

When Jan had texted Jackie in a flurry, claiming that it was an emergency, as a doctor, Jackie had assumed the worst - a broken bone or the stomach flu - not that she needed someone to run lines with her for her upcoming senior musical auditions. Of course, Jackie wasn’t going to, and could never say no to her. But, sitting on Jan’s bed with a script in her hands was giving her flashbacks to her high school theatre days - spending her weekends calling lines out to pretentious Californian teenagers who thought that their low-budget production of _The Addams Family_ was actually on Broadway, and treated it as such.

“So I’m a Gemini with a double Capricorn moon and I have a Bachelor’s degree from UCLA where I was a Sig Ep Sweetheart, president of Delta Nu Sorority and founded the charity ‘Shop for a Cause’.” Jan recited, and Jackie smiled at her as she finally got the line right.

“You really are Elle Woods, Jan. I mean, she’s a Gemini - you’re a Gemini. She’s a sorority girl - you’re a sorority girl…” Jackie trailed off, and Jan laughed heartily.

“But she has her astrology wrong - you can’t have a double moon sign.” She sighed dramatically, falling down onto the bed next to her.

Jackie shook her head fondly at her enthusiasm, “Still, I know you’re going to kill this audition, Jan.”

“You think so?” She asked, leaning up on her forearms to look at her.

“I know so. You’re gonna give those girls a hell of a run for their money. You’ve got this.” She assured her, reaching out her hand to rub her thumb across Jan's knuckles. “What are you singing?”

“Everyone auditioning for Elle has to sing the same song from the show - the big act one closer... It's terrifying.” She flopped back down onto her back, squeezing Jackie's hand. The brunette nodded in response, knowing the song she was referring to, and it was a marathon of a number.

“Can I hear it?” Jackie nudged her side gently, and Jan rolled her eyes, still staring at the ceiling. “C’mon, I’ve never heard you sing before.” She pleaded, pouting softly at Jan, who eventually gave in.

“Okay, okay, fine.” She relented, getting up to connect her phone to her mini Bluetooth speaker. “But I’m not fully warmed up, so you can’t judge me.”

Jan hit play on her phone, and Jackie was immediately entranced by her voice. She made the act look simply effortless, which Jackie knew was the product of many years of vocal training. As Jan approached the big build-up of the song, she was amazed at her range and how easily she soared through the notes as they ascended higher and higher, going through multiple key changes. By the end of it, Jackie was left slack-jawed, in awe of the performance she just witnessed - in awe of the blonde beauty standing in front of her.

“Janessa…” Jackie paused, trying to come up with the right words, “That was absolutely insane. I knew you had to be something special if you’re studying at Tisch but God, that was incredible!” She praised her, and Jan beamed at the compliments.

“Thanks, gorg.” She simpered, moving to press a kiss to Jackie’s cheek, a smile still painted on her lips as she sat on the bed next to her.

“Of course, _azizam_.” Jackie replied, not even noticing the foreign language slipping from her lips, as she was more focused on Jan’s hand resting on her knee.

“Huh?” Jan furrowed her brow, a playful glint in her eyes, “What was that?”

“Oh, uh…” Jackie stumbled over her words a bit, her gaze shifting between Jan’s hand on her knee and her eyes, “It’s Farsi - a term of endearment.” She explained, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I think it’s pretty.” Jan reassured her, lifting her hand to tuck a stray curl behind Jackie’s ear, making the brunette smile softly, though her heart rate increased tenfold.

“So, there’s one more scene that I was hoping you could help me with?” Jan changed the subject, shifting the mood once again, “Gigi helped me memorize it, but she’s not the best scene partner and I can't get the delivery down.” The blonde giggled, and Jackie couldn’t help but laugh alongside her, allowing herself to relax once again.

“Yeah, for sure. Show me the words.” She joked, and Jan reached over, picking up the script that was strewn on her bed, before rifling through the pages, finding the scene in question.

“Basically this is after Elle - that’s me - gets the alibi from Brooke, but she won’t tell anyone because she’s sworn to secrecy, and Emmett - that’s you - is frustrated with Elle not cooperating with him.” She summarized, moving to sit cross-legged so that she could face Jackie completely.

“Hey - my theatre days may be behind me but I know the plot of _Legally Blonde_.” She teased her, before mirroring Jan’s position, “Ready when you are.” 

Jan took a deep breath before starting, “Emmett, I’m sorry-”

“-I don’t need you to be sorry. I need you to tell me the alibi.”

Jackie was by no means an actress - she much preferred being behind the scenes. But, she had enough acting knowledge from her required high school theatre courses to be a semi-decent scene partner for Jan.

“I can’t because I gave Brooke my word. Having an alibi isn’t the only way to win this case.”

“No, but it sure would help.” She was momentarily amazed by the blonde, who seemingly became another woman right before her eyes, before focusing back on the scene halfway through Jan’s next line.

“Work with me. We’ll free Brooke the _right_ way. The noble way.” Jan’s hand returned to its previous position on Jackie’s knee, and she couldn’t help the slight shiver that ran through her body at her touch.

“This isn’t a Lifetime Original Movie, Elle. I’m not interested in nobility right now, I’m more interested in saving Brooke’s life.”

“No you’re not. You’re more interested in impressing Callahan.”

“Well, he _is_ my boss. And if I impress him he’ll make me associate.”

“And jeopardize your client’s trust and our integrity?”

“Well, when you put it that way.”

“Exactly, you butthead.” Jan playfully shoved Jackie’s shoulder as they both giggled, before Jan looked deep into Jackie’s eyes, “My word means something, I know yours does too.”

She knew that if she kept staring into Jan’s baby blue eyes, she’d be a goner, so Jackie used the script in her lap as an excuse to break the intense gaze, “No one’s called me a butthead since third grade.”

“Maybe not to your face. C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“Why do you always have to be right?”

“I don’t have to be… when I’m with you, I just am.” Jan brought a hand up to brush Jackie’s jaw, pulling the brunette to look her in the eyes again, and Jackie didn’t miss the way Jan’s gaze lowered slightly before returning to her eyes. Though she couldn’t tell where exactly the blonde was looking, both options brought a flush to Jackie’s cheeks. “Hey, if you want to impress Callahan, I can help.”

Jackie was caught off guard by the way Jan flipped from the intimate moment and back into the scene, and she tried to shake it off and keep going, but her head was starting to swim, “Okay. How?”

“Listen, I love your scruffy vibe, but ‘Casual Friday’ is so not in Callahan’s vocabulary, and you have to dress the part if you want to get ahead.”

“Elle, didn’t your mother ever teach you about not judging a book by its cover?” She teased her, and Jackie tried to relax into the scene, imagining that it was just them talking as they did, rather than reading lines from a script.

“She did. And books with tattered covers stay on the shelf.” Jan emphasised her point by pulling at the collar of Jackie’s shirt that was poking out from under her sweater.

“Thanks a lot…” Jackie hummed, rolling her eyes at the blonde, “Where are we going exactly?”

“You trust me, don’t you?” Jan’s hands squeezed just above her knees, and the touch sent Jackie back into a spiral, no longer able to focus on the scene. It was only then that she realized how close their faces were - that she could almost feel Jan’s soft exhales on her face.

They were silent for a moment, before Jackie clued back in, realizing that she had a line. She knew what _she_ wanted to say, that she did trust her, that her heart was all in, even if her head might disagree, but she quickly checked the script in her lap, finding the words that her character was supposed to say.

“Of course.” It came out as a half-whisper, and she briefly wondered if Jan could hear her heartbeat from the way it was pounding so intensely in her chest.

“Then don’t stop now.” As quickly as the words left her lips, Jan was leaning in, closing the gap between them, pressing her soft lips to Jackie’s as she slid her hands up towards her waist.

It took her a second to process that they were actually kissing and that she wasn’t dreaming, before she allowed her eyes to flutter shut, kissing her back gently as she moved her hands up to cup Jan’s face. It was soft and sweet and a million times better than Jackie had imagined that kissing Jan would be, and she knew that after just one kiss, she was addicted to kissing her.

So she kept doing it.

She kissed her until the blonde pulled away for air, and she chased after her lips momentarily before realizing that they were gone. 

Jackie slowly opened her eyes, nervous as to what might be on the other side, and slightly embarrassed at how eager she was to kiss her, but she was pleased to see Jan sporting a dopey smile, and she immediately reciprocated the expression.

“I don’t think that was in the script, Janessa.” Jackie teased her, brushing her thumb across the apple of her cheek, noting the hint of freckles that just barely shone through Jan’s makeup.

“I know. But I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.” Jan confessed, and it was the blonde’s turn to blush.

“Me too.” She replied, trying to maintain an outward sense of calm, while the entirety of her being was practically vibrating with nerves and anxiety, worries that Jackie knows shouldn’t exist, but have created a permanent home in her body.

“Is now the time to tell you that I didn’t really need help with that scene?” The blonde simpered, and Jackie raised a brow at her, amused, mumbling a go on as her hands fell towards Jan’s shoulders.

“Well, I was reading the scene with Gigi, and she made a comment about how she was expecting the characters to at least make out or something, so it kinda got me thinking, and it worked out pretty well if I do say so myself.”

Jackie hummed to herself, as she took in the blonde’s words, finding the whole situation endearing. As she thought, she gently brushed Jan’s hair off her shoulders, but as her nails grazed the bottom of her neck, she noticed her just barely squirming. So, as an experiment, she did it again, and Jan scrunched up her shoulders.

“Stop it.” She squeaked, and Jackie quickly developed a plan of her own.

“Stop what?” She tipped her head to the side, playing innocent as Jan scoffed. 

Running her nails over her shoulders once more, Jan giggled, attempting to bat Jackie’s hands away. “That!”

“What? Are you ticklish or something?” She teased her, before her fingers moved to the blonde’s ribs, tickling her with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Jan burst into laughter, squirming under Jackie’s touch, trying to escape the attacks on her sides. She tried to crawl away to the other side of the bed, but Jackie was faster, flipping the blonde onto her back as she kicked her legs in protest, scream-laughing as Jackie’s fingers flew across her stomach.

“Jackieeeee!! Stop ittt!!” Jan said through her laughter, but Jackie simply shook her head and continued tickling her, laughing alongside her until they were both out of breath.

After a few minutes, Jackie eased up on her attack, allowing the blonde to catch her breath. It was only then that she registered that she had ended up straddling Jan’s thighs, holding her down. She wasn’t sure how, or why, but a surge of confidence came over her and she leaned down to capture Jan’s lips, kissing her deeply. Jan immediately reciprocated the action, her hands snaking around Jackie’s waist, inviting her closer. She relaxed into Jan’s touch, before being pulled back into reality when a soft sigh of contentment left Jan’s lips. Whether it was for her own sake or Jan’s, Jackie reluctantly pulled away and moved to lie on her side next to Jan, not wanting to do too much too soon.

From her new position, Jackie could easily see the clock positioned on Jan’s bedside table, and she sighed, realizing how late it was. “I should probably head out soon - work in the morning.”

Jan tipped her head to look at the clock, “Oh wow, I didn’t realize it was that late. Time flies, I guess.” She giggled softly, before getting up and extending a hand to Jackie, helping her up as well.

Lacing her fingers with Jackie’s, they stayed connected as Jan walked her to the door, only momentarily separating for Jackie to pull on her coat.

“I want all the updates about your audition, yeah?” She said, reconnecting their hands and pressing reassuring kisses to Jan’s knuckles.

“Of course. Text me when you get home.” Jan pressed up onto her tiptoes to kiss Jackie one last time, and she squeezed her hands, letting her go.

“Bye Jan.” Jackie pressed a final kiss to Jan’s forehead, and she caught a glimpse of Gigi, leaning against her bedroom door. “Bye Geege!” She called out, before turning and heading out, only hearing Jan groan at her roommate through the closed door as she stood in the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gave me a lot of grief to write because I wanted it to be perfect!! So don't be surprised if I keep tweaking this one here and there.
> 
> Also I don't know if anyone cares, but this is the song that Jan's singing, So Much Better [(link)](https://youtu.be/iKMsllsH0zI?t=3792), and this is the scene that Jan and Jackie read [(link)](https://youtu.be/iKMsllsH0zI?t=4559), both from Legally Blonde the Musical :)
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr at [simply-em](http://simply-em.tumblr.com)! Enjoy<3


	8. february 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She wants to post a picture of us on her Instagram.” Jackie eventually mumbled out.
> 
> “And that’s a bad thing because?” She asked, and Jackie shrugged, swirling her straw in her drink.
> 
> “I dunno… It means that it’s real?”
> 
> “What about the dates you’ve been on? Are those not real?”
> 
> “Okay, maybe real isn’t the word…” Jackie sighed, looking around, hoping that a new conversation topic would appear so that she didn’t have to talk about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really hate this chapter, but I’m gonna post it anyways cause I want to move on with the story. Eventually I’ll come back to this one and probably change everything, but for now here’s chapter 8! Apologies if the formatting is weird, I’m posting this on my phone.

If Jackie had to choose between going out or staying home, she would always choose the latter. She would much rather be comfy in her sweats, watching old Star Trek episodes and drinking boxed wine than putting on a much too uncomfortable outfit to be in a room full of sweaty strangers and drinking overpriced cocktails. But, when Jaida had announced she had gotten a job in the emergency department at the local children’s hospital, it was immediately agreed upon that they would celebrate with a night out - Jackie included.

It took a lot of convincing, but somehow Jackie found herself in a fancy bar (club?) in the Upper East Side on a crowded Saturday night. The four of them were squished into a booth, waiting on Monét to return from the bar. When she did come back however, Jackie wasn’t expecting a shot to be pushed into her hands, but before she could say anything, they were toasting to Jaida and the liquor burned her throat on the way down, mumbling a ‘ _ salimati _ ’ as she grimaced at the taste. 

Jackie never liked vodka.

What she did like, though, was a good rum and coke, and she was grateful when Brita slid one her way. “It’s a double.” She winked, and Jackie rolled her eyes at her before taking a big gulp. She knew that the only way she could stand the loud music and humid air would be with alcohol in her system.

Jaida was going on to the group about the perks of her new job, and although it was interesting, Jackie couldn’t understand the appeal of working in a hospital. Sure, it had great pay and benefits, but 26 hour call shifts and the high stakes situations were enough to keep Jackie at bay. She tried her best to stay engaged with the conversation, but the constant buzzing in her pocket was getting increasingly distracting. When she thought no one was looking, she slid her phone out, hiding it under the table from the prying eyes of her co-workers.

**Jan**   
_ Can I post this on my ig? _ _  
_ _ I thought we looked pretty cute :) _

Attached to the messages was a picture they had taken at game night, after much insistence from Jan for the need to document the night. Though, she had to admit - Jan was right. The picture was really nice, especially with their coordinating purple outfits. They had spent way too long taking pictures, Jan prompting her to pose in various ways, but this one was definitely her favourite - they were both laughing at something Alexis had said off-camera, but Jan’s focus was on Alexis while Jackie gazed happily at the blonde.

Just as she began typing out a response, Brita nudged her, "Whatcha smiling about?"

Jackie quickly locked her phone, whipping up her head to look at her, before noticing that the entire group was focused on her.

“Oh, uh, nothing. Nothing.” She tried to convince them, but it was quite obvious that no one believed her.

Jackie watched as Brita and Jaida gave each other a look, before the latter pulled the rest of the group out to the dance floor, leaving Brita and Jackie alone in the booth. They sat in silence, neither one wanting to make the first move, but it was broken by Jackie’s phone buzzing again.

“It’s Jan, isn’t it?” Brita said, knowingly, a smug smile on her face.

Jackie knew it was impossible to lie to Brita. After going through med school together, Brita probably knew more about Jackie than she knew about herself, and she definitely knew when Jackie was hiding something.

“She wants to post a picture of us on her Instagram.” Jackie eventually mumbled out.

“And that’s a bad thing because?” She asked, and Jackie shrugged, swirling her straw in her drink.

“I dunno… It means that it’s real?”

“What about the dates you’ve been on? Are those not real?”

“Okay, maybe real isn’t the word…” Jackie sighed, looking around, hoping that a new conversation topic would appear so that she didn’t have to talk about this.

Brita raised a brow at her, not convinced in the slightest. Something about her caring yet concerned gaze made the words spill from Jackie’s lips before her brain had even made sense of them.

“I mean look at us - Monet’s engaged, Jaida will most likely meet some handsome orthopaedic surgeon at her new job, you just got out of a three-year relationship but hey, it’s a relationship at least…” Once the word vomit ended, she paused for a moment, glancing up at Brita. “Am I just rushing things because I feel the need to catch up?”

Jackie wasn’t a relationship girl - the last relationship she had been in was during her undergrad, and that could barely be counted as a relationship. In her books, it was more of a “fuck you” to her parents than anything else, and she was struggling to decipher what her feelings for Jan were.

“Jacks, you’ve known the girl for two months now. In lesbian, that’s like two years. You’re definitely not rushing things.” Brita tried to reassure her, but Jackie was already starting to spiral.

“We’re at completely different stages of life! She’s not even out of college, and I’m just now establishing my career. I’m going to be fucking thirty in a few months.”

Brita put a quick stop to her spiral, placing a hand on her arm. “Ain’t nothing wrong with being thirty, and I’ve got two years of experience. Besides, Monet is eleven years younger than Nina. Eight years is nothing compared to that.” She pauses for a moment, and Jackie feels small under her gaze. “Why are you so set on finding reasons not to date this girl?”

Jackie sipped her drink, pondering her question, but her mind quickly drifted off to what she  _ liked _ about Jan. Her kind eyes, her caring and bubbly personality, her adorably wheezy laugh, her body...

“I never thought I’d see the day. Jackie Cox is in love.”

Jackie’s eyes widened, and she shook her head quickly. “ W- What? Brita, I’m not in love with her.”

“Tell that to the look on your face just now when you were thinking about her.”

So maybe she had a crush on Jan. Who wouldn’t? But she definitely wasn’t in love. She couldn’t be. Not when every time they touched, she felt the sparks, but she also felt anxiety build in the pit of her stomach. Love isn’t supposed to make someone feel sick.

But if there was anyone she trusted enough to talk about this with, it was Brita. Brita, who dealt with her anxious ass way too many times in medical school. “My heart tells me to kiss her, but my head tells me to walk away… Isn’t that fucked up?”

“I don’t think that’s your head but your mother’s voice in your head.”

It was a conversation they had had numerous times about Jackie’s childhood and upbringing in a strict, religious household. But Jackie refused to admit that it was the cause of her worries.

“But then why haven’t I felt this way with other girls? Why now? Why Jan?”

“Because, like you said, it’s real this time. She isn’t like a fling you had at Penn or Columbia, though there weren’t many of them. I know you won’t agree with me when I tell you that you’re in love with her, but I think we can both agree that you care a lot about her, yes?”

Jackie sheepishly nodded her head.

“Just talk to her, Jacks. Communication makes everything a hell of a lot easier. And I think the best place to start is by letting her post that picture of you two.”

Glancing over Brita’s shoulder, she watched Jaida, Monét and Heidi, dancing and laughing to whatever pop song that the DJ was playing. She was surrounded by strong women who took risks and dealt with the cards they were handed. Jaida, jumping headfirst into a major career shift with the confidence of a supermodel. Monét, working her ass off to plan a wedding in less than a year. Heidi, holding her head high after many failed dates and knowing her worth. And Brita. Brita, who would never lead anyone astray, and is usually, always right. Even when Jackie doesn’t want to admit it. So what if she’s terrified of a picture online for the world to see, publicizing for the first time in the nearly thirty years of her existence that she’s gay? Well, if she has these strong women around her, then she can be strong too.

“Yeah. Yeah maybe you’re right.”

“I know I am. Now, let’s stop moping, and let’s go celebrate Miss Jaida. This round’s on me.”


	9. february 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you have pamplemousse?”
> 
> She paused for a moment, the blonde’s request making her laugh, which helped to get rid of some of her nerves. It’s just Jan, she reminded herself, before shooting back a witty retort.
> 
> “You know you can just say grapefruit like the rest of us normal people, Janessa.” She said, as she pulled open her fridge.
> 
> “I’m sorry?! The can says ‘pamplemousse’ first, not grapefruit.”
> 
> Jackie rolled her eyes at her statement, “Alright, Princess, you’re lucky I still have _pamplemousse_ and I’m not making you drink lime like the rest of us commoners.” She emphasized the foreign word, pronouncing it with a mock French accent, as she poured the cans into two glasses with ice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> broken hearts make writing romance hard but here ya go

It had been less than twenty minutes after she had messaged Jan, asking if she was free, when the tell-tale knocking on her door announced the blonde’s arrival. Jackie was feeling more anxious than usual from the combination of Jan coming to her apartment for the first time and the impending conversation they were going to have. She took one quick glance around her apartment to make sure it was presentable, before moving to the door, unlocking it and opening it to reveal a smiling Jan.

“Hey, gorg!” Jan immediately leaned in for a kiss, which Jackie returned. Her hands rested on Jan’s hips instead of encircling her waist as per usual, though.

“Hey. Thanks for coming.” She said, pulling back to allow Jan to enter.

“Of course - your texts sounded important.” Jan leaned down to take off her boots, damp from the snow.

Jackie chose to ignore her statement, the internal battle of whether or not it really was important too much to handle at the moment, so she resorted to basic hospitality.

“Here, let me take your jacket. Make yourself at home.” She gestured to her living room, before taking Jan’s coat to hang up in the closet. “Can I get you anything to drink? I have LaCroix? Or I can make coffee or tea. I might also have-”

“-Jacks. It’s fine. LaCroix is good.”

When Jan cut her off, Jackie took a breath, having not even realized that she had been rambling. She nodded, more to herself than Jan, before occupying herself with drinks.

“Do you have pamplemousse?”

She paused for a moment, the blonde’s request making her laugh, which helped to get rid of some of her nerves.  _ It’s just Jan, _ she reminded herself, before shooting back a witty retort.

“You know you can just say grapefruit like the rest of us normal people, Janessa.” She said, as she pulled open her fridge.

“I’m sorry?! The can says ‘pamplemousse’ first, not grapefruit.”

Jackie rolled her eyes at her statement, “Alright, Princess, you’re lucky I still have  _ pamplemousse _ and I’m not making you drink lime like the rest of us commoners.” She emphasized the foreign word, pronouncing it with a mock French accent, as she poured the cans into two glasses with ice.

Jackie glanced up when she heard Jan laughing, and the sight of her lounging on her couch, leaned against the armrest with her knees tucked up to her chest brought a smile to her face, happy to see the blonde so comfortable in her space.

Tucking two reusable straws into the drinks - purple for Jan, and red for herself - she carried them over to the living room, handing Jan hers before settling herself on the couch. Immediately, Jan took a sip of her drink, a satisfied smirk on her face as she played with the purple straw.

“So, what’s up, gorg?” Jan initiated the conversation, gently nudging Jackie’s thigh with her foot.

Jackie sighed, trying to find the words that she had prepared, but she kept drawing blanks now that it was actually happening. “I had a whole thing planned, but… Just stop me if I start rambling?”

“You made a speech?” The younger woman tried to stifle her giggles but to no avail, and Jackie gently swatted her leg in retaliation.

“Don’t laugh at me! You know I’m a planner.” She scolded her, and Jan raised a hand in surrender, allowing Jackie to continue. “Okay, so. I don’t do relationships. Well, it’s not that I don’t, I just never have. And I figured that it might be easier for the both of us if I tell you this now.” Quickly, Jackie felt her mouth start to dry from the nerves, so she took a big gulp of her drink, nearly emptying the glass in one go.

“I know that I’ve told you a bit about my childhood - conservative mother, pretty chill father, etcetera - but I definitely left out some kinda important details? Basically, after my parents divorced and I started living full-time with my mother in California, I was forced into living her cookie-cutter immigrant’s perfect daughter’s life: valedictorian and student body president, definitely no parties, and most importantly, very straight. It got to the point where she had arranged who was going to take me to all the school dances because I had to keep up appearances and play the part, essentially. And I went along with it because I knew that getting into an out-of-state school was my only way out.”

Jackie paused for a moment when she felt Jan’s hand reach out and squeeze her thigh, and she took a breath, focusing on Jan’s touch to try to push back the emotions that were coming up. Jan said nothing, but the look on her face told Jackie everything she needed to know. Before Jan could let go, Jackie took her hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing her palm, in an effort to reassure both herself and Jan that she was fine.

“I had convinced myself that moving out for university would solve all of my problems, but that definitely wasn’t the case. After about two months of being there, I had my heart broken and then I pretty much reverted back to my high school self, with my mother’s voice in my ear, telling me to ‘study harder’ and ‘don’t go to parties’, and ‘dating is a waste of your time’. And to this day, I still hear her voice in my head. It even happened that night when we kissed for the first time, and I fucking hate it, Jan. I hate that there’s a part of me that’s trying to make me not lo- I mean, like you.”

It wasn’t until she tasted the salt on her lips that she realized that she had started crying, and Jackie wasn’t the type of person to show emotions often. She had med school to thank for that. But nonetheless, Jan scooted across the couch towards her, putting her legs over Jackie’s lap so she could easily hold her face, reaching up to gently wipe away the tears with her thumbs.

“I’m so sorry, Jacks.” She spoke quietly, the emotion clear in her voice as it lacked its usual lilt. She leaned in to rest her head on Jackie’s shoulder, cuddling into her side, and Jackie wrapped one arm around Jan’s knees, the other behind her back, holding her close. They sat there in silence for a moment as Jackie recovered from the wave of emotions.

“Growing up in an Italian household and going to an all-girls Catholic school, I was expecting so much backlash when I came out as bi. But I was one of the lucky ones, I guess. Lucky that my family accepted me, and my classmates were pretty chill.” Jackie was slightly caught off guard when Jan broke the silence, but she softly raked her fingers through her hair, listening to the blonde as she spoke.

“I fell for a senior when I was a freshman - pretty dumb, right? Anyways, we had been together for a while and I thought things were going good. I was happy. Hell, I thought I was in love. I even let her take my virginity. When she moved away for college, we decided to go long-distance, and I thought we’d be fine because her school was only a few hours away, so it was no big deal. Then right before homecoming, I found out she was seeing a guy at her college . I was so heartbroken that from then on, I locked myself up and gave up entirely on relationships. Instead, I stuck to random one night stands and Tinder hookups. It got pretty bad at the end of junior year, but Alexis reeled me in and helped me sort my shit out.”

Jackie pressed a kiss into the top of Jan’s head, her chest feeling heavy for the blonde, but also feeling a bit better knowing that though they’ve had very different experiences, she understands.

“So I guess neither of us are really ‘relationship material’, huh?” She mumbled into her hair, and she felt Jan sigh against her.

“I guess not.” She replied, before moving slightly to look up at Jackie, “But something about you makes me want to try.”

At that, Jackie turned her head, making eye contact with Jan. She searched in her eyes for something to tell her that she was joking, that she was just trying to make her feel better, but all she could find was the genuine, real, sweet Jan, that she was very quickly and uncontrollably falling for.

“You’re different, Jackie. Somehow you managed to break the lock that I kept on my heart before I had even thought about giving you the key. But I don’t want it back, not when I feel this connection between us that I’ve never felt before.” Jan curled into herself, pulling away from Jackie’s gaze as she was stunned into silence.

She took a second, trying to form words to respond to her, but even knowing three languages didn’t give her the vocabulary to express to Jan how she felt. Instead, she did the next best thing, cupping Jan’s cheek to force her to look at her. As their eyes locked, Jackie hesitated, knowing that she was about to do the very thing that scared her the most. But Jan was absolutely worth it.

Using her hand as a guide, she pulled Jan towards her, just barely brushing their lips together. Jan immediately closed the gap between them, reaching up to wrap her arms around Jackie’s neck, her fingers resting on the nape of her neck. Warmth blossomed in Jackie’s chest as she felt Jan pressed against her, and the faint taste of grapefruit on her lips. She moved a hand to Jan’s waist, pulling her impossibly closer, as if she was going to disappear into thin air.

The kiss was everything words couldn’t say, translated into soft exhales against cheeks and tongues sliding across lips. If you had asked Jackie, she didn’t know if they had been kissing for one hour or one minute, but she was pulled back into reality when a soft sigh slipped from Jan’s lips, and her grip on her waist tightened. Jan sat up, keeping their lips connected, as she repositioned herself to straddle Jackie’s thighs, catching her off-guard.

After a few moments, Jackie pulled back slightly, needing to catch her breath, resting her forehead against Jan’s.

“Jan?” She whispered, and the blonde hummed in response, leaning back to fully look at Jackie. “Even if we get together, I’m still going to have this voice in the back of my head. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away.”

“So, we communicate. Tell each other how we’re feeling. Tell me when you hear that voice and I’ll be there, telling you that the voice is wrong.” Jan reassured her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Jackie worried her lip between her teeth, her thumbs rubbing against Jan’s waist as she marveled at the woman in her lap, and she knew she was making the right choice.

“Janessa… Will you be my girlfriend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really hoping that i can turn out chapters faster soon, but with school starting again this week i have no clue...


	10. march 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Everything okay?” Chelsea’s voice came across her laptop speakers, and she shook her head.
> 
> “Not quite - that was Jan’s roommate. She thinks that something’s up and wants me to go over and make sure she’s okay.”
> 
> “Well then, what are you waiting for?” Chelsea exclaimed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Go take care of your girl.”
> 
> “You’re not mad that I’m ditching you?”
> 
> “Oh my God, no, not at all! We can catch up next weekend, okay?”
> 
> Jackie gave her a half-smile, grateful for her best friend’s compassion and understanding, “Thanks Chels, I’ll text you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW this took a hell of a long time - sorry for the wait pals!! Hopefully since I have the next week off, I can get some more written so y'all aren't waiting a whole month for a new chapter! But anyways, this one was hard to write cause it's a lot of me projecting onto Jan and yeah... Either way, I hope y'all like it, and as always, I'm on Tumblr at [simply-em](http://simply-em.tumblr.com) if you wanna chat!!

“I seriously cannot believe that you, Jacqueline Sarah Cox, somehow got a girlfriend?! I’ve known you for what, twelve years? Since when did you start dating again?”

Jackie laughed, stretching out on her couch, holding her wine glass steady as she shifted. It had been almost two months since she’d been able to connect with Chelsea, both of their busy schedules conflicting and barely having time to even breathe. Most of their recent conversations had taken place in brief texts and Instagram post shares, and this was the first night that they were able to Facetime and actually talk, as if there wasn’t 300 miles between them. As a result, Jackie hadn’t mentioned Jan - she hadn’t felt the need to - but now that they had a label of sorts, she figured it was time to tell her best friend that she had a girlfriend. The word itself still felt foreign on her tongue, but it also filled her heart with a joy that she’d never experienced before.

“Uhh, since Monét and the girls from work set me up on Tinder on New Year’s?” She shook her head, smiling fondly at the memory. “But, she’s amazing, Chels, really. You’d love her. She’s a musical theatre major at NYU, so just based on that fact alone I think you two would get along perfectly. Oh, and she got a callback for Elle in their production of _Legally Blonde_ , which reminds me - I should call her and see how it went yesterday.”

They were silent for a moment, Chelsea looking at her through the screen of her laptop with a knowing smile on her face before speaking, “Damn, you’re really in love, Jacks.”

“Please, not you too,” Jackie groaned, running a hand through her hair, though she had had a feeling that this was where the conversation was headed.

“What do you mean?”

“Brita told me the same thing a week or so ago, when we went out to celebrate Jaida’s new job,” she mumbled, pushing up the thick frames of her glasses.

“And you’re choosing not to believe us because?” Chelsea persisted, and Jackie knew that she knew the answer, but she wasn’t ready for that yet.

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, Chels,” she started, lifting the wine glass to her lips, taking a sip before continuing, “We’re not at that level yet, definitely not. She’s only been my girlfriend for less than a week.”

“Okay, fair. But let me know when you change your mind. Either way, she sounds perfect for you Jacks.”

They continued catching up, Jackie grilling Chelsea in return on her own love life, before her cell phone started vibrating on her coffee table. She furrowed her brow, wondering who was calling her this late, and became even more confused when Gigi’s name flashed on her screen.

“Sorry, Chels, hold that thought, I gotta take this,” she told her, before answering the call, “Hey Geege, what’s up?”

“Jackie, thank God you picked up! I need you to come over, like, now.”

“It’s almost two in the morning, Geege, what’s going on?” Jackie sat up, growing more concerned at the frantic tone in Gigi’s voice.

“I’m worried about Jan. She’s locked herself in her room, and at first I thought it was just because I was on the phone with Crys when she got home, but it’s been hours and I haven’t seen or heard from her. I have a suspicion, though, that it’s something to do with the musical.”

“Shit, okay... Has she eaten, do you know?”

“She was in class until 7, and she came home around that time, so probably not.” Gigi explained, and Jackie glanced over at her laptop, not wanting to cut short her time with Chelsea, but having this sinking feeling that something really was wrong.

“Okay, I’ll grab some food and I’ll be over as soon as possible.”

“You know where the spare key is, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you in a bit, Geege.”

“Thanks, Jackie,” Jackie sighed, hanging up the phone before setting it back on the counter.

“Everything okay?” Chelsea’s voice came across her laptop speakers, and she shook her head.

“Not quite - that was Jan’s roommate. She thinks that something’s up and wants me to go over and make sure she’s okay.”

“Well then, what are you waiting for?” Chelsea exclaimed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Go take care of your girl.”

“You’re not mad that I’m ditching you?”

“Oh my God, no, not at all! We can catch up next weekend, okay?”

Jackie gave her a half-smile, grateful for her best friend’s compassion and understanding, “Thanks Chels, I’ll text you.”

After their goodbyes, Jackie made quick work of getting ready, deciding that her current outfit of a Star Trek t-shirt and sweats would have to do, before heading to the bathroom to freshen up. As she brushed her teeth, she placed an order for the 24-hour McDonald’s down the road from her apartment, knowing that chicken nuggets were one of her girlfriend’s favorite comfort foods.

She threw on a jacket and boots before heading out, making the quick trek to the fast food restaurant, before ordering an Uber to take her to the Lower East Side. For 2 in the morning, it didn’t take too long for a vehicle to pull up, and she double checked with the driver before getting in the backseat of the car.

As the Uber parked in front of Jan’s building, Jackie’s mind raced with potential scenarios of what could be going on. However, one in particular stuck out in her mind, but she’d be damned if it was right. She sped up the flights of stairs to Jan’s door, quickly finding their spare key and letting herself in.

“Geege?” she called out, quietly shutting the door behind her, before spotting the brunette on the couch in her pyjamas, exhaustion and worry etched across her face.

“Hey, sorry for calling so late at night, well... early in the morning, I guess,” Gigi apologized, getting up to greet Jackie, but she waved her off.

“No worries, Geege. I’m really glad you called me,” she put the food on the counter before taking off her coat, folding it over the back of a chair. “She’s still in her room?”

“Yeah, I tried knocking but no response. She’s definitely still awake though ‘cause I can hear her TV running,” Gigi explained, and Jackie pursed her lips, nodding.

“Well, let’s see if I can get through to her,” she sighed, padding across the kitchen towards Jan’s bedroom door.

Jackie took a second to ground herself, preparing for whatever could be on the other side of this door, then she knocked softly so that she wouldn’t scare her.

“Jannie?” Jackie mumbled, her ear pressed to the door, listening for anything.

Nothing.

She glanced over her shoulder at Gigi, who was leaned up against the counter, thumbnail between her teeth, and it was enough for Jackie to strengthen her resolve, knocking a bit louder.

“Jan, baby, it’s me,” her hand hovered over the doorknob as she heard the faint rustling of sheets, and she allowed herself to relax a bit, happy to know that she’s at least alive. “Can I come in?” She asked again, louder, listening closely for a response. The sheets rustled a bit more, before she heard a faint ‘yeah’ come from the other side of the door. From the sound of Jan’s voice alone, small and raspy, Jackie could tell that she had been crying.

She gripped the doorknob tightly before slowly turning it, letting herself into the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind her before allowing herself to find Jan.

The room was dark, with the only light sources being the string lights hung up above Jan’s bed, and the TV casted a faint glow across the room. Eventually her eyes laid on the blonde, who was cocooned in a pile of blankets and pillows on her bed, curled up on her side with only a portion of her face visible from underneath. Even from a distance, Jackie could make out the mascara stains on her cheeks, and her heart sunk in her chest, wishing that she could fix whatever was causing Jan this much pain and hurt. 

Jackie tiptoed to her side, gently crawling up onto the bed in an attempt to not jostle her, before sitting next to her and rubbing slow circles into her back over the blankets. After a moment, Jan eventually lifted her gaze to look at Jackie, but it didn’t take long before she let out a broken sob, burying herself deeper into the blankets. Immediately, Jackie scooped her up into her arms, holding her tightly to her chest and allowing her girlfriend to bury herself into her shoulder. She raked her fingers through her long, blonde tresses, whispering words of comfort and sweet nothings in her ear in hopes of calming the sobs wracking her body.

“Breathe with me, baby,” Jackie mumbled, encouraging her to follow her pattern, the flood of tears slowly fading into pained whimpers, until she felt Jan fully relax into her embrace.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, and Jackie turned her head to look at Jan, gently tipping up the blonde’s chin to face her.

“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, okay?” She cupped her cheek, using her thumb to wipe away the tears drying on her cheeks, before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, then the tip of her nose, and finally her lips. “I’ve got you, _khoshgelam_.”

Jan hummed in contentment, puckering her lips again, silently asking for a second kiss, to which Jackie would never deny her. She leaned down, connecting their lips again, kissing her two, three times, before pulling away.

“I guess now’s the time to tell you that I didn’t get the part.” Jan sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand before resting her head back on Jackie’s shoulder. Jackie had had a feeling that this was the case, and hearing the words coming from her lips hurt her heart even more.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” she hummed, her thumb stroking her thigh as she held Jan even tighter, “I know how much you wanted to play Elle.”

“We had it all planned out - I was gonna be Elle, and then Goona and Rosé were gonna play Serena and Margot… And I mean good for Goona for getting Paulette, and Rosé is practically perfect for Enid but… I’ve dreamed of playing Elle for ages, and I thought I had it in the bag.”

A steady stream of tears started to pour from Jan’s grey-blue eyes, and all Jackie could do was hold her tighter, pressing kisses to her temple, allowing her to let it out.

“Shh, shh, you’re gonna be okay, pretty girl,” she comforted her, and Jan let out a sort-of laugh, pulling back from the embrace to harshly wipe her cheeks with the sleeves of her lavender hoodie.

“But that’s the problem, see? I got fucking Brooke...”

Jackie furrowed her brow, remembering the details of the show, but not seeing any cons with the role, “I don’t follow.”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed, Jacqueline, but these,” she gestured to her breasts, “aren’t really built to do a four and a half jump-roping number.” A hint of a smile started to return to Jan’s face, and Jackie was equally bemused by the blonde’s dramatics. “And only being in the second act isn’t really ideal when I’m trying to get an agent.”

“Well I’m sure the costume department will find you the most supportive sports bra money can buy,” she teased the blonde, grabbing her wrists before intertwining their fingers. “But in any case, I’m positive that as soon as you step on stage for that second act opener, those agents will think to themselves, ‘Who the hell is this powerhouse and when can I sign her?’.”

Jackie leaned in, pressing her face into Jan’s cheek before kissing it gently, squeezing her hands, “C’mon now, I brought you some McNuggets, though they’re most definitely cold by now,” she poked Jan in her side, hoping the prospect of food would get her up, but to no avail.

“I’m not hungry,” Jan said, but the immediate, loud growling of her stomach told Jackie otherwise, and both women cracked a smile.

“Wanna try that one again?” Jackie teased her, making the younger girl blush, once again hiding her face in Jackie’s shoulder. “You stay here - I’ll go heat it up, and I’ll be right back, okay?”

She pressed a kiss into Jan’s hairline, before sliding out from under her, making her way to the kitchen. She left the door open as she left, just in case her girlfriend needed her. Gigi was waiting in the living room, half-asleep on the couch, and Jackie appreciated how much she cared about her roommate, and gave her a soft smile as she set the food in the microwave to reheat.

“She’s gonna be fine, Geege. Go to bed.” She whispered, aware that Jan’s door was open, and the brunette gave her a small nod, mouthing a thank you, before crossing over to her own room, gently shutting the door.

The beeping microwave cut through the silence of the apartment, and Jackie returned to the task at hand, stealing quick glances of Jan every now and then.

“Did you get barbeque sauce?” Jan asked quietly from her blanket pile.

“Mhm, and I also got you a root beer - they didn’t have Pepsi, and heaven forbid I try to give you a Coke.” 

She heard muffled giggles coming from the other room, and Jackie felt relieved to see a faint smile on Jan’s face, feeling better knowing she wasn’t as upset anymore.

“You know what’s better than Pepsi, though? Vodka.” She stated seriously, even putting on the puppy dog pout to try and convince her, but Jackie shook her head. 

“Nope, not gonna work like that Janessa.”

“But Jackieeee…” Jan whined, and Jackie rolled her eyes fondly at her.

“It’s three o’clock in the morning, baby, you’re not having vodka.” She said, bringing the food and soda into Jan’s room, shutting the door behind her with her foot. “Booze will just make you feel worse, trust me. And you also have classes in the morning.” Jackie sat on the bed cross legged, and Jan mirrored her position as she extended the drink towards her, and the blonde sighed, taking the root beer.

“Fine.” Jan brought the straw to her lips, drinking a few big gulps, probably dehydrated after crying for so long.

They sat quietly as Jan took a nugget, dunking it in the barbeque sauce a few times before popping it into her mouth. Every so often, Jackie would steal a few fries from the plate even though she wasn’t hungry, but the smell of the fast food was too tempting for her to resist. After her fourth nugget, Jan became still, her eyes fixed to a spot on the duvet, and Jackie could tell that something was clearly bothering her.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” She asked, nudging her knee gently against Jan’s, but she shook her head, strands of hair falling into her face. “You know you can talk to me, baby.” Jackie reached out, brushing the fallen hair behind her ear.

“I just wish I knew why. And I know it’s dumb, considering that this is just the start of all the rejections I’m going to get after graduation, but like… Am I not blonde enough? Am I too curvy? Am I that terrible of an actress?” Jan mumbled out, barely audible in the silent room, and Jackie was shocked for a moment, that this beautiful woman in front of her couldn’t see all of the amazing things about herself.

“Jannie, no. Not at all. You are perfect in every way,” Jackie reassured her, scooting closer to her to wind her arms around her waist, her chin resting on the crown of Jan’s head. “Casting is rough. It’s fucking terrible. When I was a techie back in high school, there was always so much drama around casting the shows and over who got what role. But y’know what I always thought? You were cast in that role for a reason, yeah? The panel saw something in you that no one else had. Something that told them that you were the perfect person for the part - no matter if it’s Elle Woods or Sorority Sister #3. And, I think that in your case, you’re probably the only girl in your class who can still belt their ass off after jump-roping for an entire number.”

Jan giggled softly at her remark, leaning into Jackie’s chest as she held her, Jackie’s hand running up and down her upper arm. After a moment, Jackie tipped up Jan’s chin to look her in the eyes, easily getting lost in their rich color, before remembering what she was going to say, “It takes a hell of a person to survive in the industry, but I know that if anyone can do it, it’s you.”

“Thank you,” Jan said, reaching up to Jackie’s face and cupping her cheek gently, before pulling her in for a kiss. Jackie’s grip tightened slightly around Jan’s waist, falling into her girlfriend’s soft lips. Jan was the first to pull away, resting her forehead on Jackie’s, “And thank you for coming tonight, you really didn’t have to.”

“Of course I had to, Jan, you’re my girlfriend. I don’t care if it’s 2pm or 2am - if you ever need anything at all, I’ll be there.” She reassured her, kissing her again before hugging her tightly.

Jan yawned widely, a clear indicator of the late hour and how tired the blonde must’ve been.

“You’re probably exhausted, yeah?”

“Will you stay?” Jan started abruptly, her eyes wide, before seemingly retracting into herself, “I mean, considering the hour, it’s probably impossible to get an Uber…”

Jackie rolled her eyes at the blonde, “You’re lucky that I don’t have work tomorrow, Jannie. C’mon, get comfy.”

Jan immediately began to get herself situated under the covers, turning off the TV and the lights, as Jackie moved the empty plates onto the nightstand before covering herself with the blankets. She hesitated momentarily, having not shared a bed with another person in ages, but Jan quickly answered the unspoken question by burrowing herself into Jackie’s side. She relaxed easily into her girlfriend’s embrace, wrapping her arms around her, making sure that they were both comfortable.

“G’night, Jacks.” Jan yawned again, already half asleep.

“Good night, Jan.”


End file.
